Fate Of Youth Today
by rampantjake
Summary: This is a spin-off to 'State Of Youth Today'. Regina and Rumplestiltskin are returned to their adult bodies but not everything goes to plan.
1. Chapter 1

_**(Disclaimer- I don't own OUAT nor any characters, no money is made from this fic, blah, blah, blah)**_

_**(Authors notes- this is kinda like an alternative ending to 'State Of Youth Today'. If you've not read it then you won't have a clue what's going on here ;) But I warn you now, this spin off is just a silly, short and fun one of only a few chapters. There will be others. Enjoy?)**_

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_Previously…._

"_Mrs Snow, can I have some more cocoa, pwease. Miss Bwue's dwink tasted funny", said Regina as she wiped her tongue on her sleeve once more._

"_Ok…wait. What drink?", Snow said feeling a cruel dread seep into her skin._

"_Just 'fore Mommy came back I told Miss Bwue that me and Wumpy were all scawed and yucky, so she gave us a dwink. She said if we dwunk it we'd feel back to our old selves by morning", the four year old girl said turning the coin over and over in her hand fighting back a yawn._

_Snow, Emma and James all stared at each other with blanching faces and drying tongues for they knew that tomorrow everything was going to change._

_But for the better or worse?_

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"Aaaaaggghhhh!", came the scream from the children's bedroom jarring the entire household awake.

As James and Snow burst from their bedroom and collided with Emma they recognised the voice at once, for who could mistake the rasping succulent tones of the fallen Queen turned Mayor. Pausing outside the room Emma put her hand on the doorknob and took a deep and steadying breath to ready herself for the barrage of abuse to come her way from an outraged Regina.

She forced back her tears knowing that she wouldn't see that sweet little smile anymore, that her heart wouldn't sing at the adorable innocence of lil' Gina. But Emma knew her tears could be saved for later, for now she would have to feel the spittle of the Mayor splash all over her in a torrent of expletives as they tried to explain what had happened to them of late.

"Come on, let's get this over with", James said sadly as his fingers ran over the handcrafted wooden nameplate on the door courtesy of Geppetto reading _'Rumpy 'n Gina'_.

The door swung open as they flinched fearing what kind of magic the Blue Fairy had used and how much the two most powerful and vengeful people in Storybrooke would remember of their time as sweet little toddlers in their care. And whether their full powers had been restored.

"W-what's going on?", asked Regina as she stood in the center of the room naked with just ripped shreds of her Hello Kitty pyjamas hanging off her now full and feminine frame. Tears brimming in her eyes as fear gripped her heart.

"Regina, I-I know you must think something's going on but please, let us explain….er….well….", Emma blustered out trying to think of a good excuse as to why the haughty Mayor woke in bed with Mr Gold.

"I-I'm weally tall…why am I so tall?", Regina said with a quivering lip, "W-what's goin' on, Mommy?"

"Huh?"

James, Snow and Emma felt the color drain from their collective faces as the dust of realisation began to settle over them as they looked at the two figures in the room freshly returned to their adult forms.

"Er….Rum….Gold….are you….?", Snow said with a wavering tone as she stepped closer to Mr Gold who sat there hugging his teddy bear tightly and sobbing quietly as his blurry eyes rose up.

"I-I'm scawed, Mama", he cried reaching out for comfort as Snow's eyebrows nearly leapt up into her hairline.

"Oh…..", James began.

"…crap", Emma finished for him as she grabbed the phone and pressed the numbers in a blind panic hoping the Blue Fairy was awake at this early hour.

"Blue….it's Emma….you better get your butt over here pronto ….no, well technically it sort of worked …..no not like that …..yes you've given them their adult bodies back but they still have the minds of four year olds! …no, I think _'epic screw-up'_ isn't a phrase strong enough for this …..yes, soon as you can", the Sheriff snorted as she slammed down the phone and pinched the bridge of her nose, "She's on her way round now"

"I gots boobies like you Mommy. How come I gots boobies now?", Regina said with wide eyes as she, without shame, cupped her ample breasts showing them off to all in the room as the door pushed open a little wider and a tired eyed boy wandered in.

"Guys, what's going on?", he asked rubbing his sleep away.

"Henwy, I gots boobies now….see!", said the one time Queen waving the glorious swells of her breasts in his shocked face.

"W-what the….w-why is…are they….who….huh?", Henry stammered out as a hundred questions jammed into his tongue so he was unable to articulate a single one of them.

"Gina, stop that!", Emma said slapping her hand and throwing a sheet around the naked woman.

"Ow Mommy….that hurted", Regina said in a small voice, jutting out her lower lip in a heart wrenching pout as tears pooled in her eyes.

"I-I…er…I'm sorry Reg….I mean, Gina…", Emma said softly, "It's just young ladies should cover up their….er…bits"

"Mommy, you're a big meanie", sniffled Regina as crocodile tears ran down her cheeks.

"I…er….I'm sorry sweetheart. Oh come here honey", Emma said bringing the gently sobbing woman into her outstretched arms .

Regina slid into the embrace and felt Emma's arms sweep around her, she nuzzled into her shoulder and felt her tears drip onto the yummi sushi pyjamas the blonde had taken to wearing.

"Honey, it's alright. Shhhhh", Emma said with soft tones which belied the acute discomfort she felt soothing the woman who had been a royal pain in her ass ever since she breezed into town. But behind the façade was the little girl who had warmed her heart so much, right now Emma was still trying to figure out which was which.

"B-but why am I so big now? I-is it 'cos I was bad and a mean witch casted a spell?", Regina said with wide sad eyes as she pulled from the hug feeling comforted as Emma's hand rubbed her back chasing away her tears.

"No honey….it's er…..hard to explain but there's nothing to worry about"

"B-but Mommy…."

"Do you trust me, sweetheart?", asked Emma.

"Uh-huh", nodded Regina in hearty reply.

"Then trust me when I say it's all going to be ok, we'll sort this all out soon enough. Just don't worry about it, ok?"

"Ok Mommy", Regina said as a shy smile blossomed across her face filling the apples of her cheeks and let out a little giggle.

"What is it, Gina?"

"I can see Wumpy's little winky", she pointed across to Mr Gold whose fully grown form sat hunched up on the end of the bed, despite his newly filled adult form he still bore the aura of an innocent child.

"Oh lord", Snow said as she pulled a pillow over his groin.

"Don't look", said James covering Henry's eyes as the boy stared on dumbfounded.

"M-Mama, why…..", said Mr Gold not releasing the comforting feel of Teddy in his arms as Snow and James tentatively moved a little closer to him not sure what to think or how to act.

"Er….I….who wants cookies", Emma said in a panic not knowing what to do or say.

"Me-me-me-me-me!", Regina blurted out putting her hand in the air and bouncing up and down making the sheet fall off again.

"Oh man, come with me Gina. There must be a robe or something around here, Henry can you show me where Reg…..er…the Mayor kept her spare clothes", Emma said taking her hand and pulling the confused and partially covered brunette along after her. "Come on 'Gina"

"Ok Mommy….but do I still gets cookies?", said the woman hopefully with a grin.

"Yeah, you get cookies", Emma said with a shake of the head as Regina skipped along next to her not caring how much skin she was exposing.

"Er….Rumpy….sweetheart?", Snow said gently as she sat on the bed next to him as his tears rolled down his rapidly aged cheeks.

"Mama….what's goin' on?", he mewled nestling into her side as she put her arm around his shoulders and giving a little squeeze.

"It's just…..it's complicated …when Blue gets here we'll try and explain but it's nothing to worry about, trust me. Now come on honey, let's you get dressed and…..then you can have cookies too"

"Chocowate cookies?", Mr Gold sniffled rubbing his nose roughly.

"Yes, any kind you like", Snow said with a flash of a smile still seeing the sweet little child hidden away inside the man's body.

"Come on lil' man…..well not so little anymore", James said with a weak smile as he loved Rumpy dearly despite being in the shell of the devious pawn broker. But he hoped the eyes of his beloved child wouldn't catch on the wariness in James' straining voice, "Come on, let's see what clothes of mine will fit you"

"O-ok Daddy", said Mr Gold shyly taking his hand but not letting go of his tight hold on Teddy, though James' eyes widened to see a man on the wrong side of forty clutching his toy so hard. The hand clasped in his made James force out a grin but he was freefalling from his comfort zone.

Snow felt her head spinning as she tried to figure out what was going on, she could feel her teeth begin to grind at the thought that the Blue Fairy could betray her in such a callous and clumsy manner. Stepping along the hallway they passed a greatly confused Henry who found one of his old mother's robes and brought it into the bedroom.

"Ok, thanks Henry", said Emma taking it from him and sighing seeing Regina was once more shamelessly naked and exploring her new curves, "Ok, Gina. We have a nice soft robe here for you so…."

"Mommy…..how come I gots hair down here by my wee-wee hole? Look Henwy, I gots hairs down here"

"Gina, stop that!"


	2. Chapter 2

_**(Authors notes – wow, big hugs to all who have read n' reviewed, I honestly wasn't expecting such a positive response to this light and fluffy nonsense ;) Sorry for the delay with the update but I've put off posting it as I don't think it's that good, but you can be the judge of that. Enjoy?)**_

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"Oh, for fu…er…_flip's_ sake, Gina", Emma corrected herself with a sigh as the sulking brunette slumped down on the floor hugging her knees to her chest. Emma cursed herself at letting Regina scoff down the dozen or so cookies as she now knew they contained way too much sugar and not enough Ritalin.

"I don't likes it", whined Regina pulling at the lacy pink bra cupping her freshly blossomed breasts.

"Come on Gina, big girls wear them. Anyway, no more frowny face lil' Missy, come on and try these on. They'll look nice on you", Emma said as she crossed the room carrying a pair of smart grey suit pants and a black turtleneck sweater and lay them down.

"Nuh-uh", huffed the little girl trapped in the body of the Mayor as she prodded the dour clothes lying on the edge of the bed next to her, "I don'ts like them, they're all yucky and icky and stinky poo"

"Gina, please", sighed Emma trying to force the arms of the sweater onto Regina which was like trying to dress a pouting octopus as she writhed and wriggled away from the tiring blonde.

"No, I wantsta wear my Pwincess dwess", huffed the brunette with a screwed up face letting her body go limp which made Emma's attempt at dressing her even harder.

"I told you sweetie, it doesn't fit you anymore"

"I wants my dwess!", sobbed Regina as she flopped on the floor and kicked her arms and legs against the plush carpet as she slipped into a childish tantrum. Emma had to bite her lip as it was too funny seeing the haughty and pretentious Mayor acting like a whining infant, for a moment she wished she had Henry's camera with her to film such a debilitating moment but she knew had to try and get her dressed before the Blue Fairy came round.

"Gina, honey. Tell you what, let's get you into these clothes and then we can go shopping for a pretty new dress, kinda like an early birthday present"

"A-a pwesent? Is it my birfday, Mommy?", Regina sniffled as her tantrum flaked away as quickly as it started.

"No, it's tomorrow. Henry told me last night, so…."

"C-can I have a birfday party?"

"Sure"

"With bawoons and cake and party hats and wions and games and loadsa loadsa apple juice?", Regina asked excitedly with a sudden brightness to her eyes.

"_Wions?_"

"Yeah, they lives in the jungle and have big teefs and go grrrr", enthused Regina scrunching her face and fingers up like an animal.

"Oh, you mean _'lions'_…hang on, you want _lions_ at your birthday party?", Emma asked with raised brows.

"And can we have games and fings too?", Regina said blustering past her de-facto mother's confusion.

"Yeah, sure. But only if you're a good girl", Emma singsonged rolling the arms of the sweater up wondering just where the hell she would get a flowing Disney style dress in Storybrooke. The irony wasn't lost on her.

"Yeah, I'll be weally, weally good Mommy", the little girl in the adult body said with a beaming smile as she raised up her arms as the sweater slid onto her body without fuss, "Can my dwess have pwetty bows an' things?"

"Anything you like", said Emma with a smile as she tried to slide the suit pants up Regina's legs.

"Weally?"

"Yeah, weally…..I mean, really. Hang on, where are those shoes I asked you to try on?"

"Over there", said Regina pointing to the discarded kitten heels, "They hurted my feet"

"Ok, fine. Just sit there while I….", said Emma as she rummaged around in the closet of the Mayor surprised to find some running sneakers,"….oh these'll do"

Once she finally got the pants on Regina she sat the brunette down on the end of the bed and slipped the sneakers on her feet tying the laces in a dainty bow feeling proud that she was finally getting a hand on this parenting lark.

"Finally", breathed out Emma with a sense of relief, "Now let's go and watch TV until…."

But before she could finish her sentence a shrill ringing echoed through the expansive house.

"Doorbell!Doorbell! Doorbell!", squealed Regina as she rushed off towards the front door with all the excitement of an innocent toddler but she stopped as soon as she reached the top of the stairs and held out her hand.

"What is it?", asked Emma coming up behind her.

"Mrs Snow said me and Wumpy ain't allowed to go downstairs unless someone holds our hand in case we falls down and get hurted", Regina said impatiently as she looked longingly at the front door.

"Ok, come on honey", chuckled Emma at how sweet this little girl trapped in this body was as she took her hand and they slowly stepped down the stairs.

"Ohhh, no fair", whined Regina before they reached the bottom as Snow had reached the front door first and opened it before, without so much as a curt welcome, her fist snapped out.

"Ow…. Jesus", spluttered the Blue Fairy in pain and shock as she reeled back from where the knuckles of the pixie haired woman struck her. She staggered back as the pain ricocheted along her cheek as her skin reddened in an instant.

"You know for a former nun I don't think that kind of language is appropriate", snorted Snow shaking the pain from her hand.

"Damn, that hurt", coughed Blue.

"Not enough", growled Snow wanting to let her fist fly once more for she was but a slave to her overpowering maternal instincts, "Just come in, you've got a lot of explaining to do"

"Mrs Snow, you hitted Miss Bwue!", gasped Regina putting a hand over her mouth as she finally reached the bottom of the stairs. "You said we ain't allowed to hit people"

"I…that's true….but Gina…er…she did something very naughty and…", spluttered out Snow trying not to tarnish the child's view of her, "But I don't think she…."

"S'not fair. When I kicked Mr Archie in the shin you made me go sit in the naughty corner, how comes you can do it and not me?", huffed Regina with a pout crossing her arms over her chest, "When I gwow up I ain't gonna be a big meanie like you"

"She has a point, Snow", said Emma with sparkling eyes finally seeing her chance for a modicum of vengeance, "Remember that time in the diner when I said a bad word and you made me sit in the corner as, like you said, we have to set an example to the kids? Well you also said we have to have the same rules as them so….."

"Surely you don't mean?", replied Snow as the faintest specter of a blush danced across her cheeks.

"You know honey, I'm sorry to say but Emma's right. About setting an example I mean", James said trying to fight his urge to smirk, from the corner of his eye he could see Regina sneaking off towards the kitchen.

"What?", she squawked turning to her husband but seeing Rumpy stare up at her with those sad puppy eyes Snow felt a sudden surge of shame.

"So Snow, off to the corner with you for ten minutes", giggled Emma as she pointed to the corner of the living room hoping to stave off her desire to burst into laughter, "Off you go, and face the wall young lady"

"Emma! That's so…..", said Snow but seeing the sorrowed gaze from Rumpy she simply sighed and trudged off to sit on the small plastic chair feeling so small and foolish.

"Henry, isn't that enough pictures for now?", said James as the flash illuminated the room once again.

"Not really, you never know when a picture like this will come in handy", replied the young boy who smiled at Mr Gold and James sitting together on the sofa as the one time pawn broker rummaged around in his toy box by the side.

"It's just a good thing you didn't have your camera handy when Gina was doing her streaking thing", James chuckled before a wince set in as he could sense the menacing glare coming his way from Snow sitting in the corner.

"Oh sweet Elvis…..are those _**your**_ clothes, James?", said Emma with raised eyebrows as her gaze settled on Rumplestiltskin sitting with a face covered in chocolate smears and cookie crumbs. "Since when were you such a fashion disaster?"

"Well, I didn't realise I still had them but these were the only ones Rumpy liked, right lil' man?", he answered with a blush of his own.

"Wight Daddy, they're weally cool", smiled back Rumpy as he flashed his patented shy smile and picked up his favorite story book and handed it to James, "Can you wead me this one, Daddy?

"Er, sure", said James taking the copy of The Gruffalo and silently prayed that the Blue Fairy could use her obviously flawed magic and turn them back soon.

"Blue, you look kinda shocked", said Emma as the fairy stood there with a slack jaw and bulging eyes

"I am…..I can't believe you own clothes like that, James", she blurted out taking in the sight of Rumplestiltskin wearing neon yellow Bermuda shorts, open toed sandals and a stripy green tank top. None of which fitted him well and hung from his body like he had recently overdosed on the Jenny Craig program.

"What?", coughed Emma, "I was talking about the kids being all grown up and that"

"Oh right….yes, that too…..so isn't it a little weird with Mr Gold being older than you and…"

"Hey, he's still my son. He just looks a little different is all, he's still the same shy and adorable boy I love, right lil man?", said James with a bluff as he felt such intense discomfort at having Mr Gold snuggle up to him and look at him with pure unguarded love in his eyes. But he didn't want Rumpy to feel like he had lost such a love over something he was powerless to stop.

"Yeah Daddy", giggled Rumpy in reply as he smiled gently at the pictures before him.

"Really?", said the Blue Fairy with a confused quirk of the lips. Mainly because of the dull throb she now felt in her jaw due to the surprisingly strong punch of Snow. "But Mr Gold is…"

"Daddy, who's Mithter Gold?", asked Rumpy shyly around the thumb which, as ever, had made it's way to his mouth.

"Oh, he's….just someone we used to know"

"Ok", shrugged back the little boy in the man's body not caring for as long as he had his teddy and his favorite story book nothing could dampen his mood.

"Ok, this is just…..wow", said Blue as her brain tried to fuse the facts into a coherent train of thought.

"How shallow do you really take me for, Blue? I know most people think of me as just a feckless Prince but there's more to me that most have ever seen, but the quicker you turn them back the happier we will all be. Understand?", said James with a frown directed at the fairy.

"I know, it's just a….", said Blue but before she could try and defend her actions she felt someone sneak past her. She watched with wide eyes as Regina tiptoed across the living room wearing a new hat made of aluminum foil, it's shining silver surface pressed down over her head catching the light with each sly step.

"Shhh Wumpy, I gots you a cookie too", said Regina around a mouthful of crumbs.

"Fanks Gina", giggled Rumpy as he took the cookie with a smile and offered the first bite to his beloved teddy bear sitting silently in his arms.

"I…..oh….double wow", said Blue taking in the image of Regina acting like the four year old child she was on the inside, her eyes stood owlishly wide as the reality of her mistake began to seep in.

"Daddy? Can I gives Mama some of my cookie?", asked Rumpy shyly.

"Not right now, she's still in a time out"

Snow just turned slightly in the plastic child's chair which gripped her derriere a little too tightly and gave Rumpy a little smile, touched by his unerring thoughtfulness.

"I wonder where Gina is, if she was here I could take her to buy a new dress…..", Emma said mockingly as she dramatically looked all around whilst tapping her chin.

"Mommy, Mommy, I'm here!", said Regina with a sudden panic as she pulled off the foil hat.

"Oh _**there**_ you are", Emma said wiping the crumbs from Regina's mouth trying not to burst a lung from laughing at the playful innocence of the girl.

"He-he, I was invisdible Mommy"

"Ah, I see. What a cheeky little monkey you are", Emma said pinching Regina's rosy cheek playing along as though she felt such awkwardness at fussing over the Mayor she knew that her darling lil' Gina would soon revert to her childish form and wanted no foul memories to stain her unblemished heart.

"Hi Miss Bwue, I'm wearing a…a….", said the brunette spinning on her heel and offering a wide and sincere smile.

"A bra, honey", Emma said as Regina looked to her for help.

"Yeah, a bwa…. for my boobies. I gots boobies now Miss Bwue….wanna see?", asked Regina grabbing the hem of her sweater beginning to peel it up.

"Gina, stop that", Emma chided in a panic as she pulled Regina's hands away and tucked the sweater back in the waistband of the dull pants making the former Queen giggle.

"Miss Bwue, you wants some? It's weal nice", asked Regina holding out the remains of her cookie.

"I….er…thanks", replied the fairy taking the crumbling remains into her hand, though she felt her heart quaking in the presence of the Queen, she couldn't deny the softness pirouetting through Regina's eyes.

"Oh wait, I haven't called the hospital yet", said Emma picking up her cellphone.

"About Ruby?", asked Blue, "She's going to be fine, I dropped past there on my way home last night"

"Really? I thought she was on death's door and ringing the bell?", said James looking up from the story book.

"She was, but it was only a few stab wounds so it was pretty easy to heal her. So safe to say I cast a little spell and now she's right as rain, I know you think my magic is a little dodgy after all this but…."

"You mean Ruby is ok?", Emma breathed gratefully.

"Yes. She still needs plenty of bed rest but she'll be home in a day or two"

"Hear that kids? Auntie Ruby is going to be fine", said James as Rumpy leapt from his seat and linked hands with Regina as they bounced around in happy little circles.

"Yay", they shouted as their innocent joy shone through in their soft smiles, the sound of their laughter and happiness echoed through the house warming the hearts of all who heard it.

"Wumpy, are you hurted?", asked Regina with a worried expression.

"It's my weg, it's all wonky", replied Rumpy pointing to the heavy limp he now bore. "Why's my weg all wonky, Daddy?"

"I….you…er….you probably just slept on your leg a bit funnily, I'm sure it'll wear off. Does it hurt?", said James feeling his joy ice over a little at the sadness buried in Rumpy's eyes.

"Nah, it's just all stiff", he shrugged slumping back down on the sofa taking it all in his wobbly stride.

"Can we go see Auntie Wuby? Pwease Mommy", asked Regina as she did a happy little dance in the uncoordinated way that toddlers do making the adults in the room chuckle.

"Sure, we'll call in on her after we get you a new dress"

"A new dress? Emma, you do realise how much you're spoiling her, right?", Snow asked from the corner of the room.

"Maybe, but it's her birthday tomorrow so I said I'd get her an early present", shrugged Emma.

"Birthday? Tomorrow?", asked James in mild alarm.

"Yeah, so I need you to help organize a party and everything. With cakes and games and stuff", Emma said tucking her wallet into her jacket.

"Oh….right….w-we can do that", Snow said craning her neck round wondering just when this carousel of bizarreness was going to stop.

"Mommy, can go gets my new dwess now? I don't likes these clothes. They're all icky"

"But, like I said, only if you're a good girl"

"I'll be weally, weally good Mommy", Regina said with such hope and joy dancing in her doe eyes that Emma knew she would never be able to resist.

"Ok honey", said Emma pocketing her cellphone, "Er guys, do you know where we can get some kinda Disney dress or something as I don't think Gina is gonna want to shop at those fancy pants stores that …er…the Mayor used to shop at"

"What about that shop over on Pine Street? They usually have costumes and things so you might get lucky", Snow said as she checked her watch to see her ten minutes were up and so stepped away from the humiliating corner time hoping to stealthily delete the photos of her from Henry's camera.

"Cool. Come on then Gina", said Emma as Regina excitedly ran to the coffee table and picked up the polystyrene cup and carefully pulled out her little pet, "No, Sidney stays here"

"But _Moooommmyyyy_, he wants a pwetty dwess too", whined the brunette holding up her wriggling worm and pouting.

"Well…..I'm sure we can find something for him", smirked Emma, "Tell you what, leave him here and then we can surprise him when we come back. How about that?"

"Ok, I finks he'll like that. Bye Sidney", said Regina tenderly as she placed him in Snow's uneasy hands, "You'll be safe with Mrs Snow"

"I…sure...", said Snow as she squirmed even more than the worm as it writhed in her mildly quivering hands.

"Bye Miss Bwue", Regina called back as they went out the front door and into the bright morning which greeted them as the sugar enslaved brunette skipped merrily down the path pulling along an already exhausted Emma.

"Rumpy, Henry, you want to go kick the ball around in the yard?", said James acting on the subtle nod from his embarrassed yet enraged wife who screwed up her face as she put the wriggling worm back in its cup and wiped her hands furiously on her skirt.

"Ok Daddy", Rumplestiltskin nodded back around the thumb he reluctantly pulled from his mouth. His eyes, though now ravaged by time, still bore the gentle innocence of uncorrupted youth.

James took his hand and led the limping Rumpy out through the kitchen and into the yard pulling him out into the crisp morning air as he knew Snow would have some choice words for Blue. Words that a child shouldn't hear being spouted by his mother.

"Blue, what the fuck were you thinking?", Snow spat with menace as her usually soft eyes hardened and she grabbed the fairy by the shoulders and pushing her back into the wall of the living room.

"You were too close to the little ones to make a rational decision so I made it for you, it just backfired a little"

"A little? They're just children and you decided to just use your magic on them against our wishes, and now thanks to your screw up they're trapped in their adult bodies with no idea what's going on. Luckily we told them it was good magic and it would wear off soon, well we came up with this long and rambling analogy which I won't go into to explain it, but they seemed to accept it ok. But you better sort this shit out and soon", Snow sneered as her teeth felt uneasy at the profanities scraping over them.

"I said there were many different veins of magic wrapped up in the curse, I just chose the wrong one to tap into is all", shrugged the fairy in faux innocence.

"You shouldn't have tapped into anything!", Snow yelled casting a quick eye outside to make sure Rumpy couldn't hear her, "They're our kids! I don't care what you or the law says, they're ours and we love them so if you _**ever**_ hurt them you will be sorry, and that is a promise. And what about Belle? When she wakes up isn't she going to be all stab happy again?"

"Belle is fine in the jailhouse, I cast a little spell to keep her peacefully asleep until we can figure out what to do with her. But getting back to this whole Regina and Rumplestiltskin spell, I think I might be able to figure out where I went wrong", said Blue as she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror to see the bruise begin to form on her cheek.

"Oh really?", said Snow releasing her grip, her voice thick with sarcasm.

"Well, I need to research a few things but I think I'll get it right this time"

"And how long with that take? An hour? Maybe two?"

"Not quite, probably a day or two"

"Two days?", squawked Snow staring out the window to see the limping Mr Gold trying to kick the ball in his hideous shorts, "I don't trust your magic but seeing as you healed Ruby ok I'm going to give you another shot, just get it right this time"

"Trust me", smiled back Blue though behind the stretching of lips there was a little fear as magic was so unpredictable in this world. Especially hers.

_**Meanwhile, across town on Pine Street**_

"I think this is the place", Emma said looking at the storefront which bore only a few costumes but she hoped she could find something to placate the child who whined incessantly about the drab clothes of the Mayor she had to wear whilst scratching herself in a most unladylike manner.

Stepping into the shop the bell above the door jingled lightly announcing their presence.

"Can I help you?", came a voice emerging from the back room which was suddenly struck with fear as his eyes clamped on the new arrivals, "Y-you….. Regi….. Madam Mayor….I…."

"Hi Mister", said Regina in a blur for as soon as she spied the costumes hanging on rails on one side of the store she pulled from Emma's hands and squealed as her bulging eyes skimmed across the tide of taffeta and polyester. She looked on with awe at all the colorful costumes of varying sizes hanging in pristine condition from their racks as she jiggled up and down in excitement.

"Emma….w-what….?", said the shopkeeper as he wiped the beads of sweat away from his forehead.

"It's a long story. Did you hear about Regina and Rumpy being turned into kids?"

"Yes, of course"

"Well, let's just say the Blue Fairy is a colossal twat and screwed up a spell to turn them back so now they're still kids …. but stuck in their adult bodies"

"Oh, right", he nodded back in relief.

"You don't seem exactly phased by this?", Emma said with a furrowed brow.

"Oh please, I come from a land of inbred royalty, dragons, ogres and sexually repressed dwarves. This is nothing", he shrugged back as he looked over at Regina who huffed every time she picked up a pretty dress and held it up to her new curves only to find out it was much too small for her and tossed it unceremoniously to the floor.

"Do you have anything in adult sizes? Like a Disney Princess dress or something?", Emma asked hopefully seeing the pile of dresses build.

"Not much, for some reason fairy tale characters were never in demand come Halloween around here. But I have this Little Red Riding Hood outfit that's…..no, that's not very appropriate", said the shopkeeper leading Emma across the store and rummaging through a few hangers.

"Why not?"

"It's more of an adult style. And when I say 'adult' I mean it's skirt would barely cover her ass and the top is so low cut that…."

"Ok, I get the picture"

"Mommy, Mommy! Can I have this dwess?", asked Regina bouncing up and down holding up a long gown she plucked from the rails and swirling round with it holding it to herself.

"You want _**that**_ dress?", asked Emma with raised eyebrows as she felt the grip of panic clasp her heart and so quickly picked up an alternative, "How about this one? It's a Snow White dress and I think you'd look really sweet in it"

"Nah, it looks silwy. I wants this one", Regina replied with begging eyes, "Pwease Mommy"

"Fine, let's try it on", Emma said in defeat, once more toppled by the brunette's pout.

"Yay", giggled Regina as she slumped down to the bare hardwood floor of the store and crossed her brows and stuck out her tongue in concentration as she tried to pull her laces only to knot them all the more.

"_Mooommmyyyy_", whined the brunette sticking her foot up in the air.

"Come on Gina, let's go in the changing room", Emma said with a worried echo to her voice as she wasn't sure what the reaction would be to such a dress.

A few minutes later the curtain whipped back and giggling Regina burst out with a smile so wide it threatened to blind anyone who saw her pearly white teeth.

"So you like it then?", Emma asked feeling the utter joy radiating from the adorable little girl being held captive in the body of the Mayor.

"Yeah Mommy, it's weally cool", replied Regina as she twirled in front of the mirror whilst Emma crossed over to the register.

"So how much?", she asked seeing the shop owner stare on dumbfounded at Regina.

"S-she wanted _**that**_ dress?", he said with slack jaw and sweaty palms.

"Yeah", sighed Emma.

"But isn't that the costume of…..?"

"The Evil Queen? Yes", Emma said with a shake of the head looking over at Regina who twirled round in the floor length purple and black gown with silver glitter running along the extended collar. It's sharp shoulders seemed to radiate a dominance through the shop as did the plunging neckline giving a hint of her newly formed bust, but seeing the joyous smile and girlish squeals coming from Regina dissipated the menace of the costume.

"So how much?", Emma repeated.

"Three hundred dollars"

"What? Jesus!"

"It's the deluxe version, like a theatrical grade costume we would hire out. I got it in by mistake, but I do take all credit cards", said the shopkeeper as Emma winced handing over her card but not before noticing a costume sitting behind it's plastic covering and felt the kernel of an idea spring to life, "And…..I better take that one too, and those face paints. But can you deliver it, it's a surprise you see"

"Sure, no problem", replied the shopkeeper with a smile seeing the slight blush on Emma's cheeks.

"Come on Mommy, I can't wait to show Auntie Wuby my new dwess", Regina said giddily as she took Emma's hand and pulled her towards the door.

"Ok, just calm down honey", Emma said as she took back her card and receipt.

"Er, what about her clothes?", asked the shopkeeper holding up the sweater and pants Regina came in wearing.

"Nah, you can keep them. I don't think we'll be needing them again", Emma said as she closed the door and took a deep breath, "This is gonna be interesting"

As they walked towards the hospital through the town center whilst Regina talked animatedly about her upcoming party, Emma flinched at the simmering hostility surrounding them. As they strolled along Regina was oblivious to the gasps and stares coming their way but Emma felt every single one, her heart ached to think of this woman to be loathed in such a fashion. After a few minutes Regina broke her grasp of Emma's hand and squealed with laughter as she darted off up the street, hiking her dress up showing her sneakered feet.

"Gina, stop!", Emma called after her.

"Nuh-uh Mommy, they wants to pway with me! See, it's hide and seek!", giggled Regina as the townsfolk sprinted away from the sight of the Evil Queen chasing them down with a deep throated laughter.

"T-the Queen, it's the Queen. Run!", they citizens of Storybrooke screamed as they scattered in terror.

"Nuh-uh, I'm a Pwincess", laughed Regina happily as she bounded along after them with a wide smile and eager eyes. She bounced through puddles and kicked leaves in idle happiness as she bore down on the terrored people.

"Regina Ethel Mills, you get your skinny little butt back here pronto!", Emma yelled using her sternest voice making Regina screech to a halt. As the Sheriff scampered up to her she wondered why the all powerful Queen gave herself such a dorky middle name.

"But _Moooommmyyy_", whined Regina as she gazed longingly after the fleeing townsfolk but hearing the use of her full name she knew she was in trouble.

"Not buts Gina, that was very naughty", scolded Emma seeing not the terrifying Queen but simply the kind hearted little girl trapped in this pretentious shell.

"I-I'm sowwy, Mommy", said Regina as she gazed down at the floor with wet eyes as she mumbled a few words Emma couldn't quite catch.

"What was that?"

"I said I won't cwy"

"Why would you cry?", asked a puzzled Emma.

"I-if you beat me…for being naughty", replied Regina in a voice barely above a whisper.

"W-what?", Emma gulped with wide and horrified eyes that a four year old, especially one so adorable as this, could be well versed in beatings.

"M-my old Mommy did", Regina said with a dry rasp.

"Oh sweetheart", said Emma wiping away the stray tear from Regina's cheek before pulling her into a warm and loving embrace silently swearing that if she ever met this Cora she would drive a tire iron through her wicked face. Emma swallowed before she spoke through grinding teeth, "Gina, I swear I will never hurt you like that, no-one will _**ever**_ hurt you again"

"Pwomise?", said Regina as Emma placed her hand under her chin and lifted her fallen head.

"I promise, honey", smiled the Sheriff.

"Ok. Can we go see Auntie Wuby now?", Regina said with a blossoming smile as she swerved from the subject like a bored child.

"Sure, let's go", Emma said with a chuckle, "Now hold my hand like a good girl so we can cross the road"

A few minutes later, after a brief explanation to Doctor Whale and the nursing staff about the Blue Fairy's magical faux pas, Emma and Regina strolled into Ruby's room at the hospital.

"Wakey, wakey", said Regina leaning over the bed so her face was merely eight inches from Ruby's slumbering visage.

Ruby slowly opened her eyes at the soft voice echoing around her ears and it took a moment to register the beaming face staring down at her.

"Aaaaaaggghhhh!", screamed Ruby as she took in the sight of the woman leaning over her making them both reel back in shock, "Y-your Majesty…..p-please don't kill me"

"He-he, you're silwy Auntie Wuby", giggled Regina with a wide and sweet smile, "It's me, Gina"

"Huh?"

"Heya Rubes", interrupted Emma with a smirk unable to resist in playing such a devious trick.

"Emma? What the….?"

"I said Poppy would make you all better. I was weal worried you were so sicky, I wove you Auntie Wuby", Regina said with joyful innocence as she kissed a shocked Ruby full on the lips before she picked up her beloved pink stuffed pony and clutched it tightly to her chest, "Hewwo Poppy, I missed you too"

"How you feeling, Rubes?", Emma asked sitting on the edge of the bed in wonder at how well her wounds had healed.

"Em, I-I think this morphine is turned up way too high", Ruby said in utter confusion as she watched Regina plant sweet little kisses all over her toy pony's face.

"No, you're not tripping. It's a long story….let me try and sum up, the Blue Fairy screwed up the spell to turn the kids back to their old selves but though Gina and Rumpy look like grown ups they still have the minds of four year olds"

"Wait….Rumpy…", Ruby said in sudden panic, "It's Belle…. the Dark One….she wants to….."

"It's ok Rubes, Belle's safely locked up for now. So tell me, what happened to you?", Emma said seriously and lowering her voice so Regina couldn't hear her words.

"Belle jumped me…..with the knife…. s-she wanted Rumpy ….but I didn't tell. S-she kept stabbing me ….twisting the knife so I'd tell her where he is ….but he's my lil' Rumpy ….I didn't tell ….I didn't tell…..", Ruby broke off as she fought her sobs, Emma hand entwined with hers in comfort. The warmth of her skin bolstering Ruby's sorrows.

"I know. And I can't thank you enough for protecting him, but you're on the mend now and you'll be right as rain in no time"

"How?"

"Well Blue isn't a complete tool I guess, she fixed you up pretty well", Emma smiled as her eyes scanned the smooth swathes of skin where, just yesterday, jagged rents and slashes defiled her beauty.

"Auntie Wuby", squealed Regina making them both jump, "It's my birfday tomowwow and I'm gonna have the bestest party ever. It's gonna be loadsa fun as Mommy says we can have cake and games and apple juice and wions and hats and everyfink"

"Wions?", asked Ruby as her lips twitched into a smile, the sweet joy of Regina seemingly infectious.

"I'll explain later", Emma winked.

"Ooh Mommy, can I have a wowwipop?",, asked Regina with wide and longing eyes seeing the jar of lollipops sitting idly on the counter.

"A what? Oh right, but just one", said the Sheriff.

"Can I takes one for Wumpy too?"

"Sure"

"Yay, fanks Mommy", giggled Regina as she skipped over to the stainless steel counter and rummaged around in the filled jar.

"Em, why is she dressed like the Queen?", Ruby whispered watching in amusement as Regina fought with the plastic wrapper, her brows knitted and her tongue sticking out in concentration.

"She didn't like the Mayor's clothes so I took her shopping for an early birthday present. It was the only dress she liked", shrugged Emma as she looked over to Regina and wondered just what horrors she had endured in order to turn such an adorable soul into the epitome of wickedness.

"Bet you got a few funny stares", Ruby said as Emma helped her shift to a seated position in the bed.

"Tell me about it"

"Mommy", whined Regina holding out the lollipop to Emma who helped her unwrap it before handing it back to the grateful girl.

"You want some of my wowwipop, Poppy? Sure you do", Regina said pressing her green lolly to her toy pony's sewn on lips, "So are you coming to my party Auntie Wuby?"

"I….er…."

"Pwease, Auntie Wuby", said Regina flashing that mettle crumbling pout she had used so often as the stick of the lollipop stuck out of her mouth.

"Ok, I'll have to check with the doctors first though"

"Yay, I wove you Auntie Wuby", Regina squealed as she leant over and kissed Rubys lips once more. "It's gonna be such fun"

"You sure look different Gina", said Ruby gently with a slight blush eyeing her up and down.

"Uh-huh, I gots boobies now", replied Regina thrusting her new cleavage in Ruby's face, "Wanna see?"

"Oh dear god", Emma said pinching the bridge of her nose praying that Blue could sort this out, and soon.


	3. Chapter 3

_**(Sorry about the long delay with this chapter but real life has been pretty hectic though I won't bore you with the lurid details, but after Queen Of Hearts I think we all need some sweet and silly fun :) And a recent kick up the arse by polybi made me sit down and finally finish this wee ficlet off, though I admit it's not that good so apologies in advance for any disappointment. **_

_**So, on with the show….)**_

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"Mrs Snow! Mrs Snow! Look, I gots a tea set!", squealed Regina in a ludicrously high pitch as she sat in the booth at the diner surrounded by strips of torn paper and discarded bows, "Fanks Gwanny"

"You're welcome honey. See, it's got a sugar bowl….and a creamer", replied the kindly old woman who smiled sweetly as the excited former Queen leaned over to give her a sloppy wet kiss on the cheek.

With so little time to organize anything Snow and James had hit on the idea of hosting Regina's birthday party at the diner, Granny was more than happy to accommodate them and helped decorate the place with swaying balloons and garish streamers.

"You know, I'd thought you'd be more…..well….pissed at Regina for the whole curse thing", Snow said quietly nodding towards Regina who bounced up and down in the squeaky faux leather chairs showing off her new tea set to Rumpy.

"I'm not a vindictive woman. Besides, she brought me to the land of dental", said Granny as she smiled widely and clacked her new set of dentures together.

"Mrs Snow, where's Mommy? I wants to show her my new tea set", Regina said with a wide and innocent smile as Henry took another photo of his mother. Her plastic tiara now replaced by a glittery pink paper party hat held in place by elastic running under her chin.

"Oh, she's in the back room. Don't worry she'll be out in a minute", replied Snow casting a gaze towards the door behind which she could hear faint whining and huffing.

"I can't believe I'm doing this", sighed Emma as she ran the paint brush across her cheeks once more flicking at the end of each black line.

"Well, it was your idea. _You_ bought it", smiled James as he leaned casually against the shelves of coffee and cookies.

"It was an impulse purchase which I'm totally regretting now. I thought Snow would be up for wearing it, y'know, getting into the party spirit and all that"

"But _you're_ the one Regina calls Mommy so it's only appropriate you wear it. Besides, you lost the coin toss"

"I know…..I can't believe I'm doing this", Emma said as she tossed the brush down and pulled the hood into place.

"Ready?", James said trying desperately not to smirk.

"I guess so", said Emma as she drew in a fortifying breath and opened the door ready to embark on possibly the most humiliating moment of her life. Even worse than having to work as a mall elf one Christmas after getting yet another speeding ticket.

"Go get 'em tiger…..well not really a tiger but you know what I mean", said James with a small snigger as he received a furry middle finger salute in mute reply as Emma bounded from the back room and into the midst of the party.

"Grrrrr…I hear it's someone's birthday", Emma said shakily as she twisted her fingers into claw shapes and bounced across the lino floor.

"A wion! A weal wion!", Regina squealed in utter delight, her eyes snapping cartoonishly wide as she drank in the sight of Emma in the figure hugging yellow lycra lion costume which was so tight each flaw of her body was visible, her face painted yellow and white with thick black whiskers like the picture on the costume packaging. The itchy fake fur framed her face perfectly and her padded tail swung around between her legs, Emma was just glad she had put the face paint on extra thick so no-one could see the intense blushing warming her cheeks.

"Happy birthday Gina….I came all the way from the jungle for your party…..er…..grrrr", Emma said as she over dramatically stalked the giggling Regina who bounced merrily up and down in her seat as she clapped her hands.

"Fanks Mister Wion….I'm five today", the birthday girl said proudly holding up her fingers, "And I gots a tea set"

"Wow, what a pretty tea set", Emma said breaking character and looking over the white plastic cups and saucers painted with little bunnies.

"Wait…you're not a wion….you're Mommy!", said Regina open mouthed.

"Can't I be both?"

"I guess…..", replied Regina with a hint of disappointment

"Hey Gina, tell you what. When we get home I'll play Hungry Hungry Hippos with you", said Henry wrenching Regina away from any avenue of sadness.

"Weally? Cool", smiled back the fallen monarch who picked up his gift and rattled it side to side hoping he would show her how it worked.

"Thanks for the save kid. You know, it's really cool that you got her that game", Emma whispered to her son as the faint ghost of a blush infused his young cheeks.

"Well, on her last birthday I was the only person to give her a present. I saved up my allowance to get her this fancy pen that she kept in her office, but this year I thought I'd get her something cool. Something we can both play with", Henry grinned back.

"You know you really are something else", Emma smiled as she pulled him into a hug and kissed the top of his head.

"I'm just saying is all…'cos my birthday isn't that far away"

"I see. Nicely played", the Sheriff smiled before gazing over to a yawning Rumpy. "I think it's getting towards nap time for you two"

"_Mooooommmyyyy_", whined Regina, "But I don't wants a nap, I wanna pway"

"Ok, no nap today but both of you are going to bed early, ok?", Snow said leaning over with a small and garishly decorated box placing it on the table before the little boy in the man's body.

"Yay, no nap!", exclaimed Rumpy before his face crumpled into a confused mass of wrinkles and cookie crumbs, "W-what's this Mama?"

"It's a present….for you", Snow said re-adjusted the pointed green paper party hat on his crown.

"M-me? But it's Gina's birfday", he replied with a hoarse whisper.

"I know, but we wanted to get you a little something too…..what is it darling?", said Snow seeing his eyes well up with tears yet to shed.

"I-I…..I never gots a birfday pwesent before", Mr Gold in words so soft and heartbreaking that Snow could barely hear them.

"Oh honey", she said cupping his sad yet overwhelmed face, "You have one now, so go ahead and open it"

Rumpy smiled back so wide that his cheeks were nearly pushed back into his ears as he ripped the multi colored paper into shreds before his eyes bulged and his lower lip shook seeing the shiny toy car sitting in his hands.

"Wow!", he gasped before turning to Snow, "I-it's mine? It's weally mine?"

"Yep"

"A-and I can weally pway with it?", Rumpy asked cautiously recalling well his grandfather's swift and merciless hand when he dared to play with a carved wooden doll back in the hovel he was raised in.

"Oh honey, you can do whatever you want with it. It's yours…..and no-one is _**ever**_ going to take it from you sweetheart", Snow said brushing a few crumbs from his cheek and giving his nose a little tweak.

"I-I wove you Mama", Mr Gold said with all the heartfelt honesty of an innocent child as he kissed her cheek and hugged her tightly, his face nuzzling into her shoulder to hide his blush.

"He-he…..Mrs Snow look!", giggled Regina as she opened another gift set in front of her, this time from James, "It's a rubber duckie!". As she squeezed the duckie it sounded out a long squeak making Regina giggle and fire out an adorable smile.

"Aww, isn't he sweet. You can play with him next time you have a bath", Snow replied trying to rid her mind of the drenching Emma had suffered when trying to bathe the excited Regina earlier that day. The sight of the soaked and exasperated Sheriff covered in bubbles was an image which would stay with her for a good long while. Snow tried not to giggle at the memory as she gazed over at Emma who was fussing with the fur trim on her costume and the tail which kept getting caught up between her legs.

"I don't believe it….they're _**still**_ doing it", whined Emma as her painted lion's face screwed up in mild frustration.

"Who's doing what?", James said confused.

"Rumpy and Gina. See, they're still doing that thing where they whisper to each other, look at me then laugh. There they go again!"

"You really are paranoid", he replied with a shake of the head as he emptied a tube of Pringles into some bowls handing one to Emma before they both crossed to the sniggering oversized toddlers.

"Guys, what's with the giggles?", Emma asked as she placed the bowls down on the table.

"Mommy….", Regina said with an impish grin, "I can see your nibbles"

"My what?"

"Your nibbles…..on your boobies", Regina said pointing to the protruding peaks visible through the lycra costume.

"Oh you mean…..shush", Emma said as she quickly put her furry paws over her pointy tipped breasts.

"Oh, I nearly forgot. I'll be back in a minute", said Granny with a wry grin sensing the intense embarrassment of the Sheriff dressed as a lion. The elderly lady of a well reputed kindness drifted away back into the kitchen slapping James' hand as she went stopping him from pigging out on all the mini pizzas.

"Gina, don't do that", chided Emma softly as she watched Regina, still dressed as the resplendent Evil Queen in her long elegant gown, poke her tongue out at Abigail who sat across the diner quietly stirring her latte and looking on with shock.

"But she was lookin' at me like a big poopie face", pouted Regina, "Don't she likes me? D-did I do somefink bad?"

"No honey", Emma said in a comforting tone, "It's…er….well…. you _**are**_ the fairest in all the land so when people see someone really pretty they get all…er….jealous of how sweet you are. They're just in awe of you"

"S-so they wantsta be my fwiend?", Regina said biting her lip and widening her dewy eyes.

"Yeah"

"Oh…should I show them my boobies?"

"No!", snapped Emma a little too harshly, "Sorry, I didn't mean it like that. I just mean ….er….. you're a Princess, right?"

"Uh-huh", nodded back Regina as she knitted her brows trying to get the bendy straw into her mouth so she could drink more of her apple juice.

"Well a Princess should be more restrained…"

"Huh?"

"I mean", said Emma feeling out of her depth as she awkwardly scratched away at the itchy faux fur lining the hood of her lion costume, "Er….a real Princess shouldn't show off her..er…grown up parts to everyone"

"But I'm not a gwown up…..an' I don't wanna be one", Regina stated but before any further conversation bathed in confusion could unroll the door opened with a jingle.

"Oh here you are, happy birthday Regina", came a voice startling them.

"Hi Miss Bwue", said Regina giving the fairy a little wave before having an envelope pressed into her hands.

"Here you go, I'm not good with presents and such", shrugged Blue with a hint of amusement tugging at her lips.

"Fanks Miss Bwue…Mommy, what's it say?", asked the former Queen holding up the envelope to Emma as the toddler trapped in the adult body was unable to read yet.

"It says _'Happy Birthday Regina'_", said Emma as she winced at the flash of Henry's camera flaring in her face once more capturing her acute embarrassment in all its glory.

Regina's tongue stuck out in high concentration as she tried to open the envelope, finally making a hole in one end before slipping out the contents.

"I know it's not much….", Blue said with shades of apology coloring her words.

"Not much? I-it's a dolwar!", gasped Regina holding the one dollar bill almost reverently in her hands, "Look Mommy, I gots a whole dolwar!"

"You sure have, aren't you a lucky girl", Emma said, once more astounded by the childish wonder Regina still found in the simplest of gestures.

"Uh-huh, I'm gonna buy a weal pony and go widing all the time. Can I Mommy? Can I buy a pony?", Regina asked with longing and hope filled eyes.

"Sure, why not", Emma chuckled warmly.

"Yay!", squealed Regina as she hummed to herself and bounced up and down happily on the cheap booth seat.

"So, this is what a Sheriff gets up to on her day off?", smirked Blue eyeing Emma up and down.

"When I gwow up I'm gonna be one just like Mommy. Then I can helps people too, like Mommy does", nodded Regina interrupting the conversation. As the words echoed around Emma's ears her mind cast back to earlier in the day.

_**Flashback**_

"_Nee-nah, nee-nah, nee-nah!", shouted Regina as she ran around the living room trailed by a giggling Mr Gold whose limp made him follow her on unsure feet._

"_Gina, what are you doing?", asked Snow wiping her hands on a tea towel spying the foil badge taped to her chest by James._

"_Someone eated the last cookie and I'm gonna catches the bad man", said Regina boastfully as she put her hands on her full and womanly hips._

"_So you're policewoman now?"_

"_I'm a Shewiff just like Mommy, and this is Dep'ty Wumpy"_

"_I see", smiled Snow watching how proud Regina was at being the good guy, "So what clues are you following?"_

"_Cwues?", asked Regina as she looked towards Rumpy who just shrugged in reply._

"_Hey guys, what's up?" , said Emma opening the front door as she returned from popping out to make sure Regina's birthday cake would be ready for the party later on._

"_Mommy!", squealed Regina pointing to Emma's sweater._

"_What?", replied the blonde woman in surprise at the accusing finger aimed at her._

"_There's cwumbs and fings all over you. __**You**__ eated the last cookie!", said Regina wagging her finger in Emma's face, "I'm Shewiff Wegina…..an' you're under awwest Mommy"_

_**End Flashback**_

"Daddy….", whispered Rumpy jiggling from foot to foot as he clasped the crotch of his hideous Bermuda shorts, "I need to go wee-wees"

"Ok then…oh", replied James as the realisation blossomed within him as Rumpy took his hand, "You want me to take you?"

"Uh-huh", nodded back Mr Gold with such unfettered love in his eyes that even though James felt such awkwardness at the situation he knew in his heart he couldn't risk damaging the heart of such a tender child, though wrapped in the shell of a much older and haggard man.

James lead Rumpy into the bathroom and had to help him unbutton his shorts and position him by the only toilet in the bathroom, trying to make sure the floor didn't get spattered like at home.

"Ok lil' man, turn around so I can dry you off", said James as he pulled off a sheet of toilet paper to wipe off the drips from the tip.

"Oh….I…..are you….oh", blustered Geppetto as he walked into the bathroom to see James on his knees in front of a giggling Mr Gold wiping a tissue over the end of his limp member.

"I-I…..t-this isn't what it looks like", James said with a furious blush.

"Hey, I'm not one to judge", Geppetto said raising his hands in surrender and backing out the bathroom.

"Come on Rumpy, it's time for the cake", sinsonged Granny as she passed the bathroom door with the flickering candles bathing her aging face with a warm glow.

"Ok Gwanny", he sniggered back as James fastened Mr Gold's shorts back in place and helped him wash his hands.

"Are you having a good birthday, sweetie?", Emma asked as Rumpy and James joined them in the booth.

"It's the bestest birfday ever, fankyou Mommy", replied Regina as she kissed her de facto mother on the lips and slid into a warm and loving embrace.

"You're welcome….oh….._happy birthday to you…"_, Emma said leading the assembled party goers in a rousing rendition of the traditional birthday song whilst Regina smiled on in awe as Granny brought in the cake shaped like a pony.

"Wow….", gasped the girl of the hour as she clapped her hands in childish delight staring on at the five flickering candles sitting atop the mountain of pink frosting.

"Blow them out honey….and make a wish", Snow said as the strangely fashioned extended family gathered around the cake.

Regina scrunched up her face and silently wished to herself before taking a big breath and blowing out the candles.

"Hang on, let me just put this on you", Granny said shaking out a paper bib and tying around Regina's neck.

"But Gwanny, I'm not a baby", protested Regina with a huff.

"It's only while you eat your cake sweetie, besides, you wouldn't want to make your pretty dress all messy do we?"

"Oh…..ok", replied the birthday girl after a moment of consideration and let the paper bib hang down over her bulging décolletage as she watched James slice the cake up.

"Happy birthday 'Gina", came a warm voice as the door of the diner flung open.

"Auntie Wuby!", shouted both Rumpy and Gina in excited unison.

"Hey guys….looking good dude", Ruby chuckled looking Mr Gold up and down clad in his hideous ensemble comprising of colors not found in nature.

"Fanks Auntie Wuby", smiled Rumpy in shy reply as he too felt a bib being tied around his neck.

As Granny's arms enveloped Ruby in the most heartfelt embrace she had ever dished out they were caught in a moment of pure happiness and relief.

"Mommy", whispered Regina beckoning Emma to lean in closer, "I-is it a magic cake?"

"Huh?"

"I wished Auntie Wuby was here….and it comed true!"

"Well special little girls get a special birthday wish, and if they're really good it'll come true", Emma said sweetly.

"Wow", Regina said in awe as she was handed a slice of cake which instantly made it's way into her mouth, only for the frosting to smear around her lips and on the tip of her nose whilst Henry took yet more photos.

"Looks like Granny was right", Snow said as a large blob of cake fell onto the paper bib around Regina's neck.

"Mommy, are you gonna do the wion song?", Regina asked as Snow picked up a napkin and wiped the Queen's sticky hands making her recall a time when Regina had done the same for her many moons ago when life was simpler.

"The what?", squawked Emma as her eyebrows shot up.

"Yeah, the wion song….where the wion and his fwiends all sung and that", Rumpy added clapping his hands excitedly.

"Huh, you totally lost me", Emma said shaking her head making the faux fur circling her face waft gently from side to side.

"I think they mean King Of The Forest from The Wizard Of Oz. Remember we all watched it the other day?", James said as his lips stretched into a smirk.

"Oh crap", Emma said flinching away but seeing the cute little puppy eyes and mettle crumbling pout of Regina she knew she was powerless to resist and so reluctantly slipped from her seat stepping into the center of the diner.

She baulked as the eager eyes of a dozen people bore down on her before clearing her throat cursing the fact that it was her favorite movie ever and knew all the words.

"Blue, have you sorted out the spell yet", murmured Snow as she sidled up to the fairy whilst they watched on as Emma made a fool of herself yet again.

"Don't you worry, I had a breakthrough this morning and I got the spell right this time I'm sure"

"How sure?"

"Pretty sure", said Blue holding up a small container of green liquid, "Just slip some of this in their drink before they go to sleep and everything will be sorted"

"Are you certain about this?"

"Trust me, I'm a fairy. By morning they'll go back to what they once were"


	4. Chapter 4

_**(Author's notes- I wasn't going to do another chapter but someone asked nicely so I thought 'bollocks to it, why not' hence this wee tangent. Yes, it's short and silly, but you should expect that of me by now ;) But fear not, Rumpy n' Gina will only stay this way for a chapter or two before they change. Enjoy?)**_

"I just got off the phone with Blue, she says she isn't coming round", James said coming into the children's bedroom, his mind still trying to contemplate the effects of the latest bungled spell to befall the two most powerful and vengeful people in Storybrooke.

"Why not?", replied his wife rummaging through the many bags scattered on the floor trying not to baulk when her gaze caught the receipt for James' early morning splurge.

"She thinks you're going to punch her in the face again"

"No, I wouldn't"

"Honeeeeey?", James said leadingly.

"Well maybe just a little", Snow smiled back as she turned back round, her fingers trailing delicately over Rumpy's cheeks as he stared up with a bizarre expression of shock and anxiety.

"Well Blue didn't exactly lie, she _**did**_ say they'd go back to what they once were", said James looking down at Rumpy who squirmed on the bed with drool running from his mouth, "And it's true…as they once _**were**_ like this"

"But changing them from four years old…..to four months?", Snow said looking across at the naked infant Regina on the other side of the bed who stared on wide eyed with only a few wisps of dark hair crowning her whilst Emma fussed around.

"I admit it's the last thing I was expecting but if…..", James said before he was cut off by flailing arms and a splutter of alarm.

"Gah….she totally did that on purpose!", squealed Emma as she recoiled in horror as warm droplets ran down her cheeks to drip from her chin.

"Oh don't be silly, she's just a baby", Snow laughed as she caught the disgust and embarrassment parading across her features.

"Well it wasn't you who just got a face full of pee!", Emma snorted rubbing a fluffy white hand towel over her damp face.

"Did you do that on purpose lil' Gina-wina-woo? Did you? Did you?", Snow asked in a babyish voice that got disturbingly higher as she tickled Regina on her podgy little cheek.

"Did you see that?", Emma spluttered looking at Regina's face, "She smirked at me! She totally did!"

"Emma, you're being ridiculous. And how could you possibly get mad over such an adorable lil' smile?", Snow cooed as she tickled the writhing Regina on her tiny little toes as the baby Queen gave a cute gummy smile, though Snow did notice the smugness seemingly radiating from her.

As James fastened the diaper on Rumpy, his skills at fatherhood quickly developing, he tried not to laugh at the Sheriff who coughed as she opened the baby powder only to have it blast into her face making her skin a dusty white.

"When I see Blue, I'm totally gonna kill her", grumbled Emma as she wiped the excess powder away.

"Oh don't talk daft", James said as he jiggled Rumpy up and down against his shoulder wondering why the child, usually so full of love for him, seemed uncomfortable and awkward in his warm and tender grasp as his little eyes darted around the room seemingly searching for something.

"Well is Blue a complete dumbass or something?", Emma snorted as she opened up a diaper as Henry wandered in wiping cookie crumbs from his mouth, "You trusted her all this time back in the Enchanted Forest when she was nothing but an incompetent jerk in a stupid dress"

"Like she said, there were so many veins of magic used in the curse that if she picked the wrong one then things could change….."

"But if she does it again….they might end up as nothing more than a glint in someone's eye. We have to watch Blue closer, maybe get a second opinion on her spells or something?", said Snow as she tried not to laugh at Emma's feeble attempts at motherhood, "Haven't you done it yet? It's not rocket science"

"Ha!", exclaimed Emma as she scooped up baby Regina only for the diaper to fall straight off, "Oh for fu….don't even say anything Snow. It's not like I've had a lot of practice at this"

"Rumpy, are you alright lil' man? Do you want your binky?", said James in a soothing voice as he pushed the pacifier into Rumplestiltskin's little mouth as the baby gurgled and spat it back out with a fierce frown. "Snow, do you think he's ok?"

"I'm sure he's just a little cranky. I'll go and warm up some milk for them in a minute and….."

"No-no-no!", squeaked Emma as she leaned down over the gurgling infant Queen only for ten tiny digits to wrap in her hair and start pulling, "Ow-ow-ow…..bad Gina….get off! Off!"

"Emma, you should know that babies grab anything offered to them, tie your hair back", Snow said shaking her head in disbelief, once more thanking Regina for raising Henry as who knows what a disaster Emma would've been on her own.

As Emma prised her blonde locks away Regina made the de rigeur baby noises which made Snow sigh motherly, but behind the 'goo-goo, ga-ga' speak lay a sentiment of impending doom.

'_How dare you treat me like this!? I'm the Queen! I'm the goddamn Mayor of this town!….. Miss Swan I swear that once I get my powers back I shall make you rue the day that….that…..Snow, you better not be thinking of…. you better not!…...'_, Regina howled but all the others could hear was the mewling of an infant.

"Isn't this dress adorable?", Snow squealed as she rummaged in the bags which James had purchased first thing this morning pulling out a lacy pink monstrosity bedecked with ribbons, bows and dancing teddy bears, "Why did you get this one, honey?"

"I didn't have much of a choice", shrugged James as the baby in his arms was also acting strangely, "The store only had that one, and I didn't know how long they'd be like this"

"Well Rumpy looks _**soooo**_ cute in his onesie, don't you my lil' Rumpy-wumpy-darling", Snow said tickling him under the chin making the baby frown and kick his little legs in the powder blue onesie bearing a picture of Eeyore.

"Er….a little help?", Emma said as she turned the diaper over and over trying to figure out the right way up for she was really floundering.

'_Really Miss Swan, can't you do anything right? How ever did you become Sheriff? I'm amazed you were ever given a driving licence given your level of sheer incompetence. This is ridiculous, can't you understand anything I'm saying? God, there isn't a word for the pain and suffering I shall unleash on you all once that idiot fairy does the right spell! Oh, and I should make a mental note to rip out Blue's spinal column and beat her to death with it'_, Regina ranted but, as ever, all that spilled from her drooling lips were baby noises.

"Emma, it's really not that hard. Give it here", said Henry with a smirk as he flicked the diaper and effortlessly sealed Regina in its fluffy soft warmth in just a few seconds.

"Wow kid, how did you know how to do that?"

"I'm ten….not retarded"

"Hey!", scoffed Emma as she watched the baby squirm on the bed who knitted her faint eyebrows in outrage as the uber girly baby dress came ever closer in the hands of Snow.

"Awwww, look at her all scowly…..I know how to put a smile on that cute little face", said Snow perkily as her fingers poised over Regina's podgy little tummy.

'_You dare, Snow! You just dare! I'm the goddamn Queen, I will unveil a bloody vengeance on you that will make your skin burn with sulphur, your bones turn to dust and…and….s-stop that….i-it tickles…. he-he …S-Snow…I…. I will k-kill you….all of you…..he-he-he'_ , yelled Regina as her little legs kicked in the air as she giggled and drooled under the nimble fingers of Snow.

"See, I knew she had a pretty little smile, and at least this way Gina isn't always going on about her boobies", said the pixie haired woman as her dainty fingertips brushed over Regina's sensitive soles making her giggle again, despite what the embittered fallen monarch truly felt. But Regina was trapped in this helpless form and subject to the whims of the adults who bore gooey smiles down on her. Whims that included hideously flouncy pink dresses.

"Yeah, she is kinda sweet", Emma said as her uterus panged as she inhaled the soft buttery scent of the infant who writhed and gurgled on the bed, her scowl returning in an instant.

'_No! You better not be…..don't you…I shall dance on your corpse as I…..he-he-he-he'_, were the words that Rumpy sought to articulate but only a string of giggles and gurgles spilled out as James picked the baby up high and blew raspberries on his sticky out tummy.

"Now, let's get Gina into this darling dress", Snow cooed waving the pink mass of frills and lace in front of Regina who choked on her outrage as her tiny eyes nearly popped from her head as a deluge of profanities erupted from her mouth, but as ever, only babyish gibberish filled the air.

"Wait, let me get my camera", said Henry as he darted from the room with a happy step.

'_I am NOT going to let you treat me like this…..I am the one who goes by the charmless sobriquet of 'The Evil Queen' and my powers are infinite…oh, the horror and fear I shall bestow on…..'_

"Uh-oh", sniffed Snow leaning down, "I think lil' Gina has gone poopsie in her diapee"

'_WHAT!? How __**dare**__ you say such things!? I'm not some…. some….. OH MY GOD! No-no-no-no! I-I couldn't have….. NOOOOO!', _Regina screamed as she burst into tears of utter humiliation feeling the mushy warmth on her skin.

"Oh man, we only just put this one on", whined Emma as she pulled the crying baby towards her and felt the foul smells invade her senses.

"You know….maybe we should have a word with Blue. I mean, would it be so bad if we kept Rumpy and Gina this way?"

But as soon as Snow spoke those words the two wide eyed babies simultaneously began crying and wailing as loud as their little lungs could manage.


	5. Chapter 5

_**(Author's Notes- wow, big hugs for all the reviews as I thought I'd gone too far with the silliness in this fic, but glad you're coming with me on this. I love and appreciate you all :) But special thanks to BananaFlavoredLemonade and doctorsgirl42)**_

'_If this is Snow's saccharine sweet approach to childcare then I think Miss Swan should thank me for saving her from this brain curdling start to life. I can feel my IQ being siphoned off every time she uses one of those stupid…'_

"Open wide pooky-shnooky-wookums", Snow said in a tone of voice that could kill a diabetic at thirty paces.

'_Gah, there she goes again! Get off me you idiot wench or I will…oh goddammit_', ranted Regina though all that could be heard were the gurgles and mumbles of an innocent babe in arms. She had managed to resist as much as her ego would allow but her aching hunger had won out and so, reluctantly, opened her little toothless mouth again so Snow could feed her another spoonful of stewed apple.

"Oooh, isn't it scrummy, poppet?", Snow said with an annoying girlish squeal as she put the empty bowl to one side and fumbled with a tall glass bottle.

'_It turns to bitter ashes in my mouth you half-witted donkey! Urgh'_, replied Regina with a stony face. Albeit a stony face smeared with stewed apple. _'The English language isn't capable of forming a profanity strong enough for what I'm feeling right now!'_

"Open wide, pumpkin", cooed Snow once more as a level spoon swept into the mouth of the baby.

'_Oh sweet mother of all evils! What the hell was that?'_, spat Regina as her face scrunched up and her tongue coiled into inhuman shapes.

"There we go, a nice dose of castor oil will make you all nice and regular so you can go poopsie-woopsie in your diapee-wiapee", sing-songed Snow as Regina's podgy little arms desperately reached out to her, "Awww, do you want a nice huggy-wuggy from Auntie?"

'_No you feckless creature, I'm trying to strangle you!'_, snapped Regina angrily, tired of the condescending gibberish which she seemed to be drowning in but as her little arms and legs wiggled with no co-ordination she flinched seeing the happy smile of Emma wandering casually in to the kitchen.

"Y'know Snow, I read somewhere that gibberish baby talk isn't good for their development", the Sheriff said watching as Snow wiped the messy sticky face of Regina.

"Oh what do they know?", scoffed Snow before adopting another colon clenching high pitch to her voice, "Besides, lil' Gina-wina loves it when I talk like this"

"Come on Gina", Emma said with an arced brow, "How about you and me watch some TV?"

'_How about you kiss my ass, Miss Swan?'_, babbled Regina as she used all her mental powers to force a finger into position.

"Hey, did she just flip me off?", Emma said with a frown seeing the baby unsteadily hold up her middle finger for just a second or two before the rest of her fingers flopped around.

'_Gah, a pox on these stupid fingers!' _spittled out the baby as, despite her intellect, she couldn't manage to command her body to react to her simple wishes.

"Of course she didn't, you're being so paranoid Emma", Snow chuckled wiping the last remnants of soft apple from Regina's chubby little cheeks, "She can barely sit up by herself let alone throw up rude gestures or gang signs"

"Don't talk to me about throwing up, Snow", Emma shivered remembering how she decided to play horsie with the little baby and jiggled her up and down on her knee despite the frowny face of Regina who, after a minute, vomited right on to the Sheriff's crotch.

"Maybe she's wet?"

'_I can assure you Miss Swan that I am not…..oh god….not again!'_, Regina blustered out wide eyed as she felt Emma's finger slide under the hem of the diaper to feel the dampness inside causing her eyes to spill with salty tears again.

"Oh shhh, honey", Emma said as she scooped Regina, once more sobbing, up from the high chair and carried her into the living room sitting her down in front of the TV. "It's ok baby, I'll change you in a bit…..or just wait for Henry to get home as he seems way better than me at it. You wait here, I'll be back in a minute"

Emma flicked on the TV and plopped the mewling baby down on the crinkling plastic playmat covered in rattles and colored blocks filled with beanbag material, Regina huffed and wobbled back and forth as her sodden rear was made incredibly plump by the thick diapers sealed around her.

"...and with the continued encroaching of sovereign territories we now find that the opposition is almost pressganged into such a conflict. With non-conscious ideology bearing little or no progress…", blathered some anonymous man clad in a finely tailored suit standing next to a graphic of derelict buildings in Mali.

"Oh, that's not very age appropriate is it", said Emma as she picked up the remote and changed channels.

'_Hey, I was watching that!_', Regina yelled from her place on the floor but, much to her chagrin, only a string of babyish babble spewed out.

"How about….", Emma said as she flicked through the channels until a fuzzy red character came bounding across the screen. "Ah, that's better"

Regina stared at the screen and scowled fiercely before shuffling her diapered bottom around to fire her glare at the Sheriff who bore a sweetly innocent smile. But Regina's glower, the kind that forced Baron's and peasants alike to cower before her, was diffused by the layers of ruffles and lace on the bonnet, giving a pretty little frame of about two inches around her face, tied under her chubby little chin in a floppy bow.

"Do you wanna play with Elmo?", Emma asked adopting her best squeaky muppet voice, "Huh Gina? Elmo wants to pway, do you wanna pway with Elmo?"

'_No, I do __**NOT**__ want to play with fucking Elmo!_', spat the former Queen as she rolled onto her front and, on unsteady limbs she had yet to master, started to crawl away. Her white satin baby dress, covered in ruffles and soft pink satin bows, rising up to show off her well-padded diaper that waddled from side to side.

"And where do you think you're going missy?", Emma sing-songed as she scooped up Regina and plonked her in her lap. "Don't be all Lil'-Miss-Cranky-Pants, I had enough of that when you were Mayor. Come on pumpkin, where's that adorable little smile?"

'_Unhand me Miss Swan! I do not intend for my brain to turn into gelatine, though I fear it might be too late for you'_, Regina gurgled as she felt her toes being softly pinched by the Sheriff.

"Oh I know…..", Emma giggled as she pulled the dainty little sock from the baby's foot and poised her fingers, "This little piggy went to market…."

'_Nooo, not again! T-that tickles….he-he-he….I shall tear your hide and…..he-he-he…. blast you vile woman!'_

"Oh, are you bored of that? I know how to make you smile"

'_Oh dear god no! P-please Miss Swan…I beg of you…. your godawful singing voice is tantamount to ear rape. Please, this is inhuman… I couldn't bear another rendition of….'_

"Twinkle, twinkle little star, how I wonder….."

'_NOOOOOOOOOO!'_

"You really are being weirder than usual today, Gina", Emma said as she tried to hold the flailing limbs of the baby still, "How about some milky instead, sweetheart?"

'_Miss Swan, you __**DARE**__ try and breastfeed me and I will bite off your nipples and wear them as earmuffs! And take this damn bib off me!'_

For the second Regina had been placed in the high-chair she had nearly choked on her rage as Snow tied in place a little bib bearing the words 'Lil' Princess' in glittery pink italics.

"Here you go", Snow said handing over a freshly warmed bottle to Emma who pressed it to the pouting lips of the baby, "What a schweet lil' girl you are…..hey, did Gina just roll her eyes at me? Can babies roll their eyes?"

"I've no idea", Snow shrugged as she heard the rattle of wheels and the humming of the man she loved from just outside.

'_Gah, that's so vile….and spare me your insincerities. I am the Queen, the harbinger of vengeance, the doyenne of chaos ….. and I said get this damn bib off me!'_, Regina gurgled around the rubber teat but each time she tried to break free Emma simply adjusted her hand keeping the bottle in place leaving the infantilised Regina no choice but to drink.

As Elmo danced and sung his way around the large TV screen Regina could feel her disgust and bile rise, for no matter how much she cried and pleaded she couldn't master any intelligible words, and despite her misgivings she wished that the Blue Fairy would hurry up and arrive as, though her magic was fatally flawed, Regina would take anything over this humiliating ordeal.

As the front door opened Snow squealed as she ran to unbuckle Rumplestiltskin from the stroller and swung him round before planting sloppy wet kisses all over his face.

"So, how was the park?", she asked.

"It was ok", replied James pressing his lips to her forehead. "But he's still a grumpy Rumpy"

'_Ok? It was mortifying! You had better go and buy 237 coffins as that's how many pieces I will happily slice you into!'_, babbled Rumpy as he tried to pull away from his de facto mother but in the shell of infanthood he was no match for the overbearing adoration of Snow.

"Honey….", began James a little warily, "Don't you think dressing him like this… is….. sort of….. well, a little fruity?"

"Don't talk like that. Raising him gender neutral is a wonderful idea. It'll make sure he's a well-rounded individual, and besides …. he looks _sooooo_ cute", Snow smiled as she jiggled Rumplestiltskin up and down in his blue and white satin sailor suit with matching hat and mittens.

"You don't think it'll scar him for life?", James asked as he opened a soda.

"Of course not, and just look at his little booties", squealed Snow as his little feet waved manically in panic and anger, but the white satin bedecked with blue bows simply decimated any vague shards of masculinity he still held on to.

"I'm not sure the ducks were too impressed though"

"Meaning?"

"You know how Rumpy loved to feed the duckies in the pond? Well, when we went over to them, the ducks all freaked out and flew away. It was like something from The Omen", James said with a curious gaze.

"Hey guys, I think it's about we got lunch started. Snow, are you gonna be cool when Blue gets here?", Emma asked as she picked up Regina and put her in the playpen.

'_How dare you! Let me out of here, you can't imprison and torture me like this!'_, Regina ranted through a mask of infantile sounds as her chubby little fingers patted and prodded against the stringy mesh of the playpen as Rumplestiltskin was placed next to her whilst the adults went off to start cooking.

'_One word Regina…..one damn word and I'll…'_, babbled Rumpy in his nonsensical baby speak.

'_And you'll what? Fart on me? Listen Rump…er Gold….er, whatever you are now. Haven't you found a way to access your magic yet?'_, Regina gurgled back, they were both shocked the day before when they discovered they could actually understand each other, even if no-one else could.

'_Don't you think if I had my powers I would use them? The first thing I'd do is seal this damnable bladder shut'_, he huffed as he wriggled in his diapers and shiny sailor suit trying vainly to pull the lacy mittens from his little hands.

'_You still leaking then?'_

'_Like you aren't, dearie. At least you weren't tied to that stroller and dragged around town for every menopausal half-wit to pinch my cheek and tell me what a pretty girl I was'_

'_No'_, Regina said trying not to laugh as she crawled around on her hands and knees pushing the growing collection of stuffed toys to one side as Emma went to answer the front door.

'_I kid you not, god it wasn't that long ago I couldn't burned this town and its entire knuckle dragging citizenry to the ground and performed a merry jig on their ashes….and now I had to sit there as that moronic waitress and that grave evading crone cooed all over me a-and….changed my diaper'_, Rumplestiltskin said in a low voice and a fierce blush making him look even cuter.

'_At least you didn't have to put up with that pigeon loving buffoon'_

'_Is Snow Whitey still keeping you down? Don't tell me she's still doing that Itsy-Bitsy-Spider routine?'_

'_For an hour! An entire fucking hour!I tell you Gold, I-I can't take much more of this", _Regina whimpered as she felt her diaper grow warmer and wetter with no way to stopping the flow.

'_Fear not, for I'll figure a way out of this. If Blue is working through the myriad streams of magic I used for the curse then she should be able to work out the simple reversal….', Rumplestiltskin said before being unceremoniously cut off._

'_Are kidding me? Not only does she have a face like fire damaged Lego, but if she were any stupider she'd have to be watered twice a week! And you're pinning all our hopes on her?'_, Regina spat as she, unconsciously, snuggled up to Poppy, her pink stuffed pony toy.

'_Oh blow it out your ass, Regina'_

'_By the smell of it….__**you**__ already have'_, sneered the former Mayor as she revelled in the horror emerging on his face.

'_I….I…oh dear god!'_

"Hello cutie pies", came the sickly sweet voice of the Blue Fairy as she leaned over the side of the playpen with the Sheriff, "Oh, they're adorable"

"True, but surely your magic can fix this", Emma replied through a forced smile.

"I'll try my best. Oh, is that coffee I smell?"

"Yeah, you want some?"

"Please. Two sugars", Blue replied warmly and watched as the Sheriff went into the kitchen leaving the fairy alone with the two babies, she squatted down next to the two simpering and wet figures in the playpen, "Hello there Rumplestiltskin, hello Your Majesty. I know you can both understand me"

Regina and Rumplestiltskin stared up as their eyes snapped wide with shock and fear.

"Now I admit the first time I tried this spell it went a little awry, but sometimes acting like an idiot can act as a safety net….. for this was my intention all along, to reduce you to this age. I know Emma would never do anything to cause Henry any distress and despite what you may think Regina, he still loves you and would dissuade Emma from punishing you in any way. The same with Snow, she's too soft and useless to ever make the difficult decisions a monarch needs to, so you two would get away with this curse and never be punished for it. Well I took it into my own hands to make sure you received the justice you deserved"

The two babies stared on with only drool and gasps escaping their mouths.

"Have you wondered whether this town is still paused in time, or whether it's re-adjusted itself so we now age? If we _**are**_ still stuck at this age….well you better get used to the feeling of being helpless and vulnerable, of being fed and changed and….", Blue said flicking at the sailor hat on Rumpelstiltskin's head, "…the way you're dressed. This is your life now…..so enjoy your prison"

"Here's your coffee", said Emma handing a mug to the fairy who plastered on her fake smile and accepted the freshly brewed drink with glee.

"Thanks"

"What were you doing?"

"Just playing with the lil' ones. Say, would it be alright if I babysat some time? I'd _**really**_ enjoy that", Blue said with a mischievous grin.

"Sure, why not….huh?", Emma said as she turned to the two babies in the playpen who cried and wailed at the top of their little lungs.


	6. Chapter 6

_**(Author notes- more big hugs and tickles in strange places to all who have stuck with me thus far, special snuggles to kissfromarose2 and the imaginatively named 'guest' ;) Enjoy?)**_

"Peek-a-boo, I see you…..peek-a-boo, I see you", Emma said with a dopey grin as her face bounded back out from behind her hands once more only to receive a blank face from the baby girl.

'_Miss Swan, I can assure you there is nothing wrong with my vision. Of course I can see you, is this really how you expect to entertain an infant? I never played these kinds of simpleton games with Henry and he….. but….but what if I did? What if I __**was**__ like this with him? Then maybe he wouldn't have been so desperate to believe that damn book of his. M-maybe if I had been more like you Miss Swan, like the fun loving woman you are, then maybe he wouldn't have sought you out to replace me'_, Regina babbled as, since she had been infantilised, she had noticed the close bonding Henry had found with Emma, and it wounded her greatly seeing his love bestowed on someone else.

"Oh Gina, what's wrong? You've been kinda cranky since Blue left yesterday. Come here", Emma sighed picking the child up from the scattershot of discarded pacifiers and half chewed toys to sit her on her lap, the ruffled layers on Regina's plastic panties crinkling with each tiny movement.

'_That's very observant of you Miss Swan. I just hope Blue is wrong… how dare that bitch imprison me like this, it's torture! She stabbed Snow and that husband of hers in the back just to get her vengeance and…oh god…. b-but how is that any different from what __**I**__ did? Is this karma or whatever those smelly hippies go on about? I-I can't stay like this forever, Henry needs me…..I….I need him'_

"Why are you all frowny faced today, poppet? You don't have diaper rash do you?"

'_How dare you even…oh god, I can't keep pointing out your idiocies, not when you can't understand them. Gah, I give up'_, gurgled Regina as the Sheriff held the whining child close to her chest and embraced her tenderly.

"There, there, honeybun. Just get all snuggly and cosy….shhh", Emma cooed as she rocked the baby Queen against her barely noticing the gentle rapping on the front door.

'_Miss Swan, as finely crafted as your breasts are I really have no wish to suffocate on them. I'd rather not have my death certificate to read 'Snuffed- Out-By-Unusually-Well-Proportioned-Knockers' _

"Oh you're here already, thanks so much for coming", Snow said as she opened the door and let their guest in before casting a quick look outside to make sure she hadn't been followed for in the last day or two Snow's doubts about the Blue Fairy had been escalating.

"Well how could I say no to you", replied Nova as she wandered into the living room, her patterned maxi skirt flowing around her lithe legs, to see the babies mewling in discontent.

"Hi Nova. Er….Snow, why did you ask her here?", James said curiously as he pushed small fabric wings to one side and pressed the bottle of milk to Rumplestiltskin's lips which were formed into a pout.

"You know how I said maybe we should get a second opinion on these spells which keep messing with Rumpy and Gina? Well, surely not even Blue could be that bad at magic"

"Why, what has she done?", Nova said as she sat down next to Emma and tickled the curiously shy Regina under the chin.

"What has Blue done? Well….this", Emma said picking Regina up under the arms and waved her in the fairy's face.

"B-b-boo-boo…..boo-boo….", babbled the baby girl in the adorable bonnet waving her little mittened hands in the air.

"Well, boo-boo to you too", Nova smiled as she pinched Regina's cheek and gifted her with a scented smile borne of sincerity.

'_No, you cretinous wretch. I'm saying 'Blue'! __**She's**__ the reason we're trapped like this',_ was the real sentiment lying behind the drool infused gabble.

"I don't understand. Archie told me they were changed due to the curse", the fairy replied with a frown.

"At first, yes. But only to four year old's. Blue has been doing spells on them to return them to their adult forms but _**this**_ happened instead", Snow replied as she took Rumpy into her arms and jiggled him up and down.

James just let his wife take him as he was tired of asking just why Snow thought it was a good idea to dress their baby boy as a bumble bee, he once more cursed that costume shop in the center of town and their selection of novelty outfits which had seriously dented his credit card. A notion echoed by a gurgling baby but behind Rumplestiltskin's babble lay a more apocalyptic sentiment involving that damnable store, a lighter and forty gallons of aviation fuel.

"I don't get it", Nova blinked as she pulled Regina into her arms and bounced the baby up and down on her knees and fluffing with the layer upon layer of frothy petticoats surrounding the scowly child which made her look as puffed up as a dandelion head.

"Are all fairies retarded or something?", sighed Emma, "Look, we had ickle Rumpy n' Gina, then they went all big, then they ended up like this and…."

"That's not what I meant. I mean it's not that hard to revert someone to their original form, curse or no curse, all you have to do is read their auras, despite how fractured they may be, and in the cracks lie the breadcrumbs for the vein of magick that was used. All you have to do is backtrack and you have your answer, even _**I**_ know how to do that", the fairy said watching the jaws drop around her.

"What?", Snow spluttered out as she knelt down to sit Rumpy down on the plastic playmat.

"I can do it now if you want, it'll only take an hour or so", Nova replied with a shrug as Regina shot her an adorably gummy smile, clapped her tiny hands in glee and kicked her little bootied feet.

"Wow, you really have a way with kids", Emma said seeing the brightness return to the Queen's eyes. A brightness that had been sorely missing these past few days, the dullness of Regina's gaze had wounded Emma greatly as she relished in that doe eyed sparkle.

"Apparently so…..oh, aren't you a cutie pie", Nova smiled gently as she bounced Regina up and down making the Mayor giggle and wave her uncoordinated limbs around in expectation.

'_Finally! Someone with some brains around here, though I never thought it would be __**her**__ of all people, now hurry up and change me!'_

"Uh-oh, has someone gone tinkle-tinkle?", Nova smiled feeling the sodden warmth of Regina's bottom.

'_When I said 'change me' I wasn't referring to my diaper! Oh god not again! You stupid…..'_, the fallen Queen huffed as she was put down on her back and had her plastic panties pulled down.

'_Gina wait! She's our way out of this! Just play the happy baby role for a little longer and we'll be free….oh, damn this stupid outfit!'_, gurgled Rumpy as he tried to swat the away the springy felt covered antenna which kept bouncing in his face each time he moved. He rocked back and forth, his balance greatly affected by the incredibly thick diapers he was sealed in as Snow had noted he was a very heavy wetter.

'_Oh shut up Rumple…how can you say that? Do you know how awful it is for your own son to wipe your fanny? Or to have to sit there while that enfeebled dolt of a Sheriff does that…..'_

'_Regina…that stupid tree hugger has dressed me as a bumble bee'_, Rumpy gurgled back with a blank face.

'_Oh, I see your point b-but….noooo, that oil is so cold!'_, squeaked the one-time Mayor as her derriere felt the cool swish of baby oil as her legs were lifted up and a fresh diaper slid under her. _'Why should I not pee right in her face again? Give me one good reason not to'_

'_Regina….. the quicker that fairy gets to work then the quicker we'll be free and hopefully no-one will know the truth of us trapped like this. So act like a good baby…..please'_

'_I….I….fine'_, babbled Regina as she reluctantly opened her mouth and allowed a pacifier to be placed between her small lips.

"So Blue could've just changed them back at any time?", Snow said as she straightened the wings made of wire and tights on Rumpy's costume. Her anger and disappointment building rapidly at the fairy they had trusted for so long.

"Yep", Nova nodded back glad to be free of the confines of the convent.

"So why didn't she?", James asked.

"I…..I don't want to speak ill of her but….I think she craves power more than you know. Of course _**you**_ only ever saw the side of her she wished you to see, in court in front of the Queen she would act like she was all full of goodness, piety and a strong moral code. But we fairies, behind closed doors, saw her petty and vindictive side. She's not this butter-wouldn't-melt kind of fairy, she has ambition….and will do…"

"What did she do to you?", Emma said reading Nova's face which echoed with sorrow.

"I fell in love….with someone I shouldn't have, and Blue forced me into a choice….._**she**_ took away my happy ending"

"That sounds familiar", Snow said with a shake of the head casting an eye over to Regina who seemed to drop her gaze, weighed down by a guilty expression.

"But I forgave her, much like we should forgive Rumplestiltskin and Regina, for if we hold their pasts against them then we become as bad as they were. Vengeance solves nothing, it will only escalate until misery is all we know. Like the old saying goes – _**there is no sin unforgivable for those that seek redemption**_"

"Wow, you're not as stupid as Blue always made you out to be", James said scratching his chin only then noticing that his morning shave wasn't as close as it could've been,

"Blue has a way of undermining people, I guess that's why she only let me collect fairy dust all that time as she could sense my magical potential and so saw me as a threat. You know that saying about keeping your friends close but your enemies even closer? I think that'd apply to her"

"So…you can reverse the magic just like that?", Emma said as she finished changing Regina who, she noticed, seem to blush furiously every time her diaper was wet or messy.

"Well, not _**just**_ like that. But the curse isn't fool-proof and the consequences of it are only just been realised now, but it can be done. I just need to read their aura's so I can get a starting point… so hold them still for a minute", Nova said as the two babies were rested on the laps of their de-facto mothers as the fairy closed her eyes and waved her hands around as a sudden warmth seemed to sweep over Regina and Rumpy.

"Is everything ok?", Emma asked seeing the frown appear on Nova's face.

"That's…..weird", she replied as she opened her eyes letting the simple magic fade away, "Their aura's…..it's Regina and Rumplestiltskin"

"Of course it's them, who else would they be?", Snow said feeling the baby boy begin to writhe on her lap.

"No, I don't mean it like that. I mean…... these aren't the aura's of two innocent babes in arms, it's the sound of suffering only rung out by two people who have felt the darkness of their hearts consume them. It reeks of regret and loneliness. Of misery and desperation"

"Ok, you're getting all mumbo-jumbo hippie bullshit on us here", Emma said sceptically.

"Sorry, but….inside these shells are the spirits of powerful sorcerers. Inside the babies are the souls of Rumplestiltskin and the Queen, it's them ….but trapped like this by magic", Nova said staring into the eyes of the baby boy who flinched at the revelations.

"You've got to be kiddin' me", Emma gasped as she picked up Regina and stared into the eyes which were stinging with tears, "You mean _**this**_ is the stick-up-her-ass Mayor….but stuck in the body of a baby?"

"Well…..yes"

"Ho-leeeee shit!", choked the Sheriff as her gift for the truth was revealed within Regina's eyes. "It's her….it really is"

"Oh dear God", Snow gasped as she looked at Rumpy's sheepish face which glowed with humiliation as she suddenly feared what such a vengeful man could do to the woman who thought it was so cute to dress him in such ludicrous outfits.

"So, I better turn them back right away then?", Nova said as she stood up and fumbled in her purse for her fairy dust.

"Hang on…..there's no rush", Emma said mischievously as Regina stared on with wide and confused eyes, "Maybe we can put the spell off for an hour or two"

"What do you mean?", asked James looking down on the babies curiously.

"Henry, get your camera. Snow, I know you pretty much went spazzy in that shop this morning so go and get _**all**_ the outfits"

"Why?", asked the pixie haired woman.

"Blackmail my dear….I think we should have a little fun with them while we can", Emma giggled seeing the gasp on Regina's face as her chubby little cheeks flushed red with outrage and acute embarrassment.

_**.**_

_**.**_

_**(Authors notes – so everyone, should I wrap this fic up in the next chapter? Or should I carry on with the silliness for a little longer?)**_


	7. Chapter 7

_**(Authors notes- once more I thank thee most humbly for all your support, so by popular(ish) demand here's another shot of silliness for you (brace yourself for the latest change). There's only going to be another couple of chapters (probably) so enjoy it while it lasts :) Again, much love and thanks to you all)**_

_**Two Days Later**_

"Why the hell not?", whined Regina whilst she toyed with the multiple silver rings freshly piercing each ear, including a scaffold, as she stood toe-to-toe with Emma once more in what seemed to be a war of attrition.

"No, I told you that you're grounded. Besides, there's _**no way**_ you're going out in a skirt like that!", Emma said forcefully as she put her hands on her child bearing hips staring down the girl who sneered at her.

"What's wrong with it?", Regina replied motioning down to the tight leather skirt which barely covered her ass, cascading down from it were the ripped fishnet stockings leading into the buckled New Rock boots with the elevated soles.

"It's not appropriate for a sixteen year old girl!"

"Oh god, you're killing me here! You don't understand me, no-one understands me! Why do you want me to be so unhappy? You hate me! But I _**am **_going out with the guys", spat back the girl newly turned into a teen, broiling with misplaced anger and confusing urges.

"No, you're not!", Emma snapped back, "And you stay away from those Lost Boys! I'm not gonna be called out at midnight again 'cos you and them went for a night of keggers in the park, I'm the Sheriff so I can't keep dragging your ass out the fire"

"But they're my friends, you can't tell me what to do!"

"Those Lost Boys have no conception of contraception so who knows what kinda trouble you'd get in with them, and after your little stunt this afternoon you're gonna be grounded for a good long while, Missy"

"You can't keep me here! I hate you!", yelled Regina, the light catching on her new nose ring contrasting against the smeared smoky eye shadow, burgundy lipstick and tendrils of dark hair framing her face, such was the emo-by-numbers attitude she somehow adopted since Nova's magic worked its will on her just a couple of days before.

"Don't start Gina"

"God, you're such a fascist! You can't tell me what to do! You're choking me to death here, why won't you just let me be me? I'm a non-conformist! You don't understand me! No-one feels like me!", spat back the angst ridden teen as the maelstrom of hormones and de rigeur pseudo-intellectualism bounded throughout her developing body.

"So you keep saying", Emma sighed, "Just go to your room and stay there"

"You're not the boss of me!", sneered Regina crossing her arms over her chest, the studs on her leather cuffs thrust over the low cut torn cleavage of her Avenged Sevenfold t-shirt which was cut down to bare her mid-riff and her infected navel piercing.

"Oh yes I am, and if it wasn't for the stupid laws of this country I'd pull you right over my knee for a helluva spanking", warned the Sheriff as Regina's petulant gaze swung down.

"Pffft, you and who's army?", she muttered in reply trying not to feel intimidated.

"Don't you sass me young lady, just go to your room and stay there!", Emma said pointing upstairs.

"God, you're such a stinkin' pig fascist trying to crush me under your stupid foot! I hate you, I hate you! You're ruining my life!", Regina screamed as she stomped loudly up each wooden step before slamming her bedroom door hard. It only took a few seconds for her to turn her stereo on loudly and let the muted strains of My Chemical Romance pound through the floor.

"Gina….turn it down!", Emma yelled only for some muffled profanity to roar back as the music was turned up.

"Emma honey", said Snow soothingly, "She's just a teenager. Regina's just trying to assert her independence"

"She's keeps this up and I'm gonna assert my foot up her ass", huffed Emma, "And at what point did emo become all metal and gothic? I mean emo used to be like a harder version of indie, y'know bands like Texas Is The Reason, Jets Vs Sharks and Rival Schools. I blame Davey Havoc"

"Emma, you totally lost me here", James said with a shake of the head as he found the page he earmarked in the book.

"Regina is two steps shy of getting a tribal tattoo on the small of her back and taking an acoustic guitar to a music festival to play 'Redemption Song' at two am to impress her stoner friends"

"Huh?"

"Nevermind", replied the Sheriff as she took her place around the dining table to continue the family meeting.

"She's just doing the usual teen trio of being anti-cop, anti-church and anti-government. Soon she'll start flirting with drink, drugs and socialism", said James reading from the Tipa Gore parenting manual he found at the library.

"Which brings us to… Rumpy, just tell us. Where did you get the pot from?", Snow said warmly to the slouching sixteen year old sitting opposite her in the exceptionally baggy jeans and the chunky gold jewelry.

"What makes ya think I's stoned, yo?", he snorted back defiantly grabbing his crotch.

"Rumpy, you were sitting there laughing at How I Met Your Mother", Emma trying to catch his eyes but to no avail, "I didn't think there was enough pot in the world to make anyone laugh at that shite. It's about as funny as Schindler's List"

"Don't be illin', fool", replied Rumplestiltskin, his pitch now carrying manly traits but it kept sliding into a squeal as his voice was still on the cusp of breaking.

"What?"

"An' stop callin' me Rumpy, yo. I'm R-Dogg, a'ight", he said throwing up gang signs like he'd been severely crippled by arthritis, "It's my gangsta name, yo"

"Oh sweet Elvis", sighed James pinching the bridge of his nose wishing once more for his lil' Rumpy to return and not this obnoxious teen with the bandanna and cheap bling.

"Gangsta?", Emma said trying not to laugh, "Dude, you live in Storybrooke not Compton. The closest thing we have to gang colors in this town is the red plaid in the school uniform"

"Don't diss me woman", he said in a hideous mimicry of a black accent as he pulled at his wife beater showing off his puny body, "Are we done here, as I gotsta go out, 'cos me an' my posse are goin' crusin' for bitches, yo"

"Hahaha", blurted out Emma as she couldn't keep it in any longer, "You're going cruising…. what, you're gonna pimp out Snow's people carrier?"

"Hey, R-Dogg ain't gonna take this shit from a pig, y'all", Rumpy snorted back waving his fingers like he'd been seriously injured in a lathe accident.

"What? How dare you speak to Emma like that!", gasped Snow as she watched the young man scratch at the bum fluff adorning his pointed chin.

"God, Gina is right, you're like total fascist, innit", he sneered shaking the multiple gaudy rings on his fingers as he stood up, "I'm like a rebel, yo. You ain't gonna crunk me out, a'ight"

"Rump….er…R-Dogg", Emma said trying not to smirk, "Will you stop talking like that, apart from Snow you're the whitest person in America"

"Hey", butted in the school teacher.

"Oh come off it Snow, you're so white bread and corn fed it's even part of your name"

"B-but….."

"What? It's true", Emma said with a smirk.

"Guys, we're getting off the point here", James interrupted as he turned to face his would-be son, "Just tell us Rumpy, where did you get the pot?"

"I _faaaand_ it, homie", replied Rumplestiltskin grabbing at his crotch again. Though in pants that baggy it was surprising he could ever find his blossoming genitalia.

"Don't give us that, you know I can tell when someone is lying", Emma said, "I'm the Sheriff so I can't have one rule for you and Gina and another for the rest of the town. It was bad enough you went smashing mail boxes with her, but getting stoned is something else"

"Like whatever, homie"

"Oh grow up, _**no-one**_ says homie anymore", sighed Emma, "For god's sake Rumpy, you're not Fifty Cent"

"That's _Fiddy_ Cent, yo", Rumpy said crossing his spindly arms in front of him.

"_Fiddy_? Why, does he have some sort of speech impediment or has recently suffered a stroke so he can't even say his own name properly. It's _**Fifty**_ Cent"

"Don't try an' jack my head, dog", snapped back the teen as his voice once more squeaked as he looked anywhere but at the adults.

"It's bad enough I found those…._magazines _of yours", Snow said with a shiver recalling the graphic images of women of ill repute.

"They ain't mine, brah", Rumpy snorted back as the cut price bling around his neck jangled.

"Then whose are they?"

"Gina's", he said back dismissively.

"T-they're Regina's?", Snow coughed back with wide eyes, "B-but they were all about naked girls doing….things ….with whipped cream and…"

"You mean Gina likes…oh", Emma said recalling the evening before when Regina 'accidentally' walked in on her in the shower.

"Don't change the subject. Rumpy, look at me…..I said look at me", James said with increasingly stern tones as he tried his father figure routine.

"_Whaaaaaat_?", droned back Rumpy sarcastically as the bones in his arms seemed to turn to jello as they writhed by his side without co-ordination and stared James in the face like a brain dead zombie.

"Where did you get the pot, Rumpy? Just tell us the truth"

"You're my parents! How can I possibly tell you the truth!?", he snapped back.

"That's it young man, you go to your room. You're grounded, Mister", James said trying to be firm though it wounded him to see this poor imitation of a hip-hop whore and not the sweet little boy he once was.

"You don't get me, homes. I hate you! You're ruining my life! You suck, yo!", Rumpy spat back as he shuffled from the dining room dragging one seemingly paralyzed leg behind him and stomped upstairs before slamming his door to battle Regina's music by turning on his stereo to spill out tunes about Cristal sipping and pistol whipping.

"Oh no, it's so sad that now Rumpy has grown up he's got his limp back", Snow said worried.

"That's not a limp", replied Emma, "That's his gangsta lean"

"God, I don't remember being this much of an asshole when I was a teenager", James said pulling his visibly upset wife into his arms.

"Different world, Jimmy Boy. Different culture", Emma said flippantly, "They're just rebelling against any authority figure they can find, it's like a rite of passage for them. It's just a phase"

"You know I'm kind of glad we missed this phase with you. Imagine being a pissed off teen in our world with all those lethal weapons and magic, who knows what kind of twisted monster you might have become ….though it would help to explain why Regina turned out the way she did", James said nodding to Emma whose face suddenly scrunched into panic mode.

"Oh crap, what time is it?", she asked wondering where her watch had gone.

"It's ok, Ruby said she'd drop Henry off later. He was just too enthusiastic to show off the photos of Rumpy and Gina as babies…..the video footage too", James said with the glimmer of a smirk but before Emma could cut him off another voice entered the room which sparkled their frazzled nerves.

"Hey guys. Sorry, but the kitchen door was open and I really didn't want to step into the firing line", said Nova as she walked in with a slight flinch.

"You! You said you could undo all the magic but you screwed up just as much as Blue did! Did you do this on purpose, are you working with Blue to mess with them?", Snow blurted out as her fingers clenched into a fist.

"Lord no", replied the fairy as she put up her hands in surrender.

"Then what the hell went wrong?"

"I think…I think Blue left a kind of failsafe on her magick so if anyone tried to break through it would counteract the effects of my spell and splutter out and stop halfway through, that's why it kind of stalled at their teenage years. Though my spell corrected their minds to be the right age with their bodies, well I think Blue must've been expecting something like this and added this clause to protect her interests, whatever they may be. I just have to work out a way around it and then Rumplestiltskin and Regina will return to their proper forms", Nova said awkwardly for she had never defied Blue's magicks until now, "The problem is…..now the failsafe has been triggered then Blue will know someone is trying to break her spell, we have to find her before she tries something else on them"

"But why would she do all this? Betray our trust just so she could do this to Rumpy and Gina?", Emma asked as she opened her last beer, narrowing her eyes wondering if Regina had been stealing them behind her back.

"I think Blue saw them as a threat as they could always outwit and outperform her that's why she never took them on face to face, she took her time and wanted them out of the picture so we'd all turn to her for her power and mystical guidance. For without Rumplestiltskin and Regina _**she**_ would be the source of all the magic in town, jealousy is a powerful motivator"

"But you _**can**_ work it out and change them back to their proper selves?"

"Of course"

"Well make it snappy as we can't put up with much more of this, I mean it's like they just walked out of 'Stereotypical-Teens-For-Dummies. With Rumpy doing his hip-hop honky thing and Gina being swallowed by the alienation, boredom and despair culture and…and just _**what**_ is up with your hair?", Emma said taking note of the mussed up tresses of the fairy.

"What's wrong with it…..oh", she replied as a sheepish smile blossomed on her face as she smoothed down her hair, "I…er….I've been spending a little time with Grumpy"

"Oh really?", Snow said with a smirk knowing that now she was

"Well….yes", the fairy smiled shyly pulling twigs and pieces of straw from her bedraggled locks.

"And you really have no problem helping out Gina and Rumpy like this? After all, one made the curse and the other put it into action", James said trying to keep the conversation on course, despite his wife's obvious glee at blossoming romance.

"I have nothing against them, I mean I've got to spend more time with Grumpy here in this world than I ever could back home. And Ruby's ok with them too, as all this time she hasn't had that wolfy curse to deal with, do you have any idea just how agonizing it is for her each time she changes?"

"No"

"Well it hurts…. like _really_ hurts. That's what she told me anyway, so by accident rather than design, Regina freed us when she cast the curse. Cruel to be kind I think they call it. And now I'm no longer at the convent I get to do what I want and when I want to….. and that means seeing a lot of Grumpy….and I do mean _**a lot**_"

"By the sounds of it we should call him Horny rather than Grumpy", joked James earning a sharp elbow in the ribs from his wife.

"You know, all this could be much worse. I mean, can you imagine what it'd be like if Rumpy and Regina had magic", Emma said running a hand over her tired eyes.

"But they do", replied the fairy.

"W-what?", squeaked Snow, "But what should we do? Two teens with the power to…."

"Don't worry", Nova said warmly, "Luckily they're at that age where they're too cynical to care or even believe in magic"

"Y'know, I think we should call Archie", Emma said as she felt the first delicious pangs of alcohol soothing her nerves.

"I think we should call an exorcist first with those little hellions", Snow murmured.

"Why call Archie? So he can research the magic and things?", asked Nova as she searched in her purse for her morning after pill.

"No, but I think we're _**all **_gonna need some serious therapy after all this"

.

_**.**_

_**(Author's notes- I hope you're not too annoyed/disappointed with this but I've had quite a few requests for the kids to become stereotypical teenagers so I thought 'bollocks to it, why not'. But for those of you who miss four year old Rumpy n' Gina, fear not as (at some point) I will use my digital quill to pen a second act of 'State Of Youth Today' to carry on the antics of the adorable wee kiddies :) But I have several fics I need to polish off first so don't hold your breath) **_


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